diatu | I wanna know What you're feeling

I wanna know What you're feeling

Who: Lea and Xion, eventually joined by Roxas and possibly Isa
Where: The Ka dorm
When: Backdated to shortly after the end of the body-swap event
What: In which some things come out and progress is hopefully made
Warnings: Angst and feels

Of all the reasons Lea was glad to be back in his own body, the one he currently held in his hand was a relatively minor one, but one that he was sure would prove useful nonetheless. The object in question was a glass bottle containing about six ounces of pale blue translucent liquid and stoppered with a cork. It was a potion he'd purchased off of a fellow student for use in his Forging; it was supposed to help remove impurities from metals and reveal flaws in various types of stones.

While he was stuck in Isa's body and the student he'd been purchasing it from had been stuck in the body of his toad familiar they understandably hadn't been able to make the exchange. But now the potion sat on top of a couple books on his bedside table, and he was eager to go try it out. Just as soon as he'd fed Smoke, his rat.

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Lea narrowly resisted facepalming. "Xion, think for a second," he said. "Do you actually have any evidence that that is even a possibility? Or are you just coming up with stuff to be afraid of to make yourself feel miserable?"

"Because Roxas is right. It's not you telling us stuff or your doing magic or anything that's hurting us. It's bottling all this crap up and making yourself hurt more than you need to. We're your friends, and if something is bothering you, we want you to tell us. So we can try to work it out. Yeah, it might not be fun in the short term, but it's better than waiting til it all explodes like this."

And the Keyblade thing was a good idea, so Lea stood back slightly too, giving Roxas more room. He looked to Xion expectantly for her answer, which he was almost certain would be 'no'.

She had winced when Roxas agreed that she was hurting them. But when he says "this" and then she hears a sound so familiar that it resonates within her she peeked out through her gloves, and then just... stared. Her hands fell away and the shock and confusion were clear on her face. Those.... those were Keyblades, right? Weren't they? Something in her screamed that they were but they didn't look like Keyblades. And two? Why two?

A gloved hand started to reach for one of the keyblades, then she jerked it back. She wasn't even aware that she was mumbling her confused thoughts as she did, that she was still talking. She was sure she was being silent and it was her brain racing a mile a minute in confusion. but mostly there were a lot of broken confused sentences half escaping her mouth.

Her confusion was to be expected, though he does offer her a smile as he hears those half-formed sentences.

"These are my Keyblades. This one is Oathkeeper." He raised the lighter Keyblade, the light glinting off the snowflake-like teeth and delicate filigree designs. "And this one is Oblivion." He then raised the dark Keyblade, its thick ebony steel and embedded chain reflecting the Keyblade's strength. The two Keyblades were complete opposites in design, yet strangely complimentary.

"This is my power. My full power." That sentence might be a bit inaccurate, given there are still abilities he couldn't do yet (and he'd been practicing in his spare time), but the fact that he could summon these two Keyblades meant he was closer to his usual strength than when he only wielded one.

"And I bet you aren't feeling any weaker or strange dips in your energy right now, are you? You still feel the same way you did before I summoned these, don't you? That's because the connection that was affecting us isn't there anymore. I'm not going to make you weaker, and you're not going to make me weaker."

Well that was a... slight improvement over all the crying? Maybe? Roxas seemed to be encouraged be the shocked expression and quiet muttering anyway, so Lea decided to take it as an encouraging sign too.

"Listen to Roxas, Xion," Lea said. "Cause when it comes to Keyblades- and in particular your and his Keyblades-, he knows way more than I do. And if you need any more proof that the connection is gone for good? You can try summoning yours too. If that doesn't cause a reaction, then nothing will."

"But it didn't always happen at once," she muttered weakly, like even she could tell it was weak. She sat down on the edge of the bed, holding her arms. "I just need to know the two of you are okay, you are all I have, all I want to have and I know I can't really..." she faltered, trying to find words. "Everytime something good happens, something worse happens as a response," she whispered finally. "The three of us being here... I keep being afraid of what could be so much worse to follow something this good..." her eyes closed. So many things she wouldn't have said normally, that she wasn't sure why she seemed to be saying every thought she normally would have locked down deep. "I don't know why I keep saying everything. I know hearing this hurts you and I don't ever want to hurt either of you. My whole existence, such as it is, you two always protected me, I just want to be able to protect you back. To keep whatever bad is coming from taking away what little good we have."

Roxas listened to her carefully, and could sympathize with her worries. He knows many of her fears are assuaged back home, but just because he knows it, doesn't mean she does. He lowered his Keyblades sticking them into the ground so he could lean on them, looking at Xion.

"Then, if something happens, we'll tell each other right away." He offered. "I know that in the past bad things kept happening, but that doesn't mean it has to happen in the future. And I know full well that you've got the power inside to help us if we need your help." He fought alongside her in the Keyblade Graveyard, and saw her strength for what it was. Xion was a force to be reckoned with, even if she didn't realize it.

"We can't let fear stop us. If we do, then we'll miss out on all the good times." He looked at Lea for confirmation.

"We can promise to not keep any more bad secrets from each other. We can all keep an eye on each other and make sure none of us are hurting. Because friends are honest with each other... right?"

Lea nodded when Roxas looked to him, adding his confirmation and even smiling slightly. "I can't promise that nothing bad's ever going to happen to any of us again," he said. "No one can promise that, really. But Roxas is right; you can't spend your whole life living in terror of every single bad thing that could possibly happen down the road. All that focusing on potential future bad stuff does is make you miserable and keep you from enjoying any good stuff that might be happening right now."

"And if anything does happen, between the three of us? We've got this. I mean come on, we're three awesome, Keyblading best friends. Three and a half, maybe, if you count Roxas' second Keyblade as a bonus. As long as we trust each other, and tell each other when we need help, there's not much that we can't handle. Got it memorized?"

She gave them a small tentative weak smile. "I want to believe that," she whispered. "So much." She looked to Roxas. "But how do we keep an eye on each other if you're sleeping somewhere else? Why can't we be together so we can protect each other?"

Roxas chuckled at Lea, nodding to him. "Yeah. Axel's right; between the three of us, we can handle anything." And he did believe that. They were all capable Keyblade wielders; they could handle any trouble that came their way.

Xion's words made him pause, thinking for a moment. "Well... if I can't come stay in your dorms, could we get some way for us to stay in contact? Like the gummiphones?"

Lea considered a moment. "I might be able to come up with something in Forging," he said. "It'd take a while, and the end result wouldn't be anything nearly as complicated as a gummiphone, but I should be able to make something that'd be good in emergencies at least."

"And in the mean time, we can check up with each other during the day sometimes like at meals, instead of just at sunset for ice cream," he said. "And besides, we're already connected no matter where we go because we're all best friends. That's worth a lot more than we tend to give it credit for."

"...What.. is a gummiphone...?" she asked, looking at them, so confused. Then she blinked. "Would that mean I'd actually have to go to the school more often?" Someone... may have been cutting even more than Axel was aware of.

"Oh, here. It's this thing." Roxas reached into his pocket and pulled out his gummiphone, pressing the button to turn it on before handing it to Xion. "Jiminy gave each of us one after the battle in the Keyblade Graveyard. It lets us keep in contact with each other even if we're on different worlds. But I haven't been able to contact anyone outside of this world since coming here."

He turned to Lea and nodded to him. "That's a good idea. I'd be up to spending more time with you guys in between classes." They made it to sunset ice cream fairly often, but sometimes they would go an entire day without seeing each other. Meeting up for meals or in between classes would be nice. "You think you could forge something for us?"

"Yes, it would," Lea said to Xion. "If I can drag my butt to class most of the time, you can too. Besides, occasionally the stuff you learn in some of them does come in handy, and it'd be nice to have someone there to help me not doze off in 'Law' and 'History of Wizardry'." Since he and Xion were both in Ka, they both had to take those classes.

Lea looked at gummiphone with interest as Roxas took it out to show Xion. He'd heard them mentioned at his point in the timeline, but this was his first time seeing one. "Probably?", he told Roxas. "Though like I said it wouldn't be anywhere near as sophisticated as a gummiphone; no way do I have the technical know-how to pull that off, especially around here."

"Though now that I know you have your gummiphone with you, did you check and see if the other functions still worked, like the camera?", he said. "I don't honestly expect that we'll be able to connect it to anything here, but we might still be able to do stuff with it."

While she was more than okay with the thought if seeing them more often during the day, if she was going to classes, when would she do her eagull missions to earn ice cream money? She'd have to figure it out, if they really wanted her there.

She turned the odd device over in her gloved hands, curious. "What about people inside this world?" she asked, looking up at Roxas.

"I think it can, but it hasn't registered any other gummiphones in the area." Meaning that even if it could call someone inside this world, there was no one to call, according to the gummiphone.

"I think that's okay. As long as we're able to get in touch with one another, that's probably good enough." And he trusts that Lea can manage something like that. He hasn't seen the redhead forge anything yet, but he has faith in his best friend.

"Let's see..." While Xion held the gummiphone, Roxas leaned over and flicked through a couple settings... and frown a bit as he did.

"Jiminy's logs aren't available either... and the camera's working, but none of the pictures I took are here." Strange.

"Whose logs?", Lea asked. He couldn't recall meeting or even hearing about anyone named Jiminy before.

"And it's too bad we don't get to see any pictures from the future," he said. "But as long as the camera's working, why don't we start taking some new ones? Starting with a group selfie; we've never had a picture of the three of us together, and it's about time. Though you'll probably wanna take your hood off for that, Xion."

As they were discussing the Gummiphone, there's a knock on the door, followed by the concerned voice of Isa.

"Lea, are you in there? Is everything alright?"

Xion had been about to open her mouth about the hood when she jumped a mile hearing the voice that went with the knock. She tried to keep her mouth shut, she really did. But for some reason everything was just spilling out today. "No, I don't want, I can't..." she fought herself trying to keep the words behind closed lips. She even went so far as to put her hands over her mouth, which only muffled her words, rather then stopping them.

Edited 2019-08-19 03:09 (UTC)

"Jiminy Cricket. He's responsible for keeping track of Sora's journey."

At the mention of a photo, Roxas brightened. "Hey, that's a great idea!" It would be nice to get a photo of all of them while they were here, especially now that his old photos were gone. But just as the idea was offered, the knock sounded at the door, and Roxas looked up.

"Saix..?" He only had a moment to inquire about the person at the door before he was drawn back to Xion. He could see her struggling to not say the words that were tumbling from her mouth, and he rested a hand on her shoulder.

"Xion, it's okay. He... Isa's not going to do anything, I promise."

...Well, crap. In all the excitement, Lea had forgotten he was going to be meeting Isa after ice cream. Not that he was disappointed to hear from his friend, but he suspected that his presence would trigger another round of chaos. Which might ultimately be a good thing, but that didn't make it any easier on any of them in the meantime.

Lea sighed. "Yeah, I'm in here," he said. "We all are. And things are... a bit weird at the moment, but I think it might be a good thing, ultimately. Either way, you can come in."

To Roxas he said. "I'm pretty sure she knows that by this point," he said. "Which is why I'm confused about what the current problem is. And I have a feeling I'm not the only one."

"Xion," he said, "why are you so reluctant to put your hood down? I mean, I get that you like to hide in it; Isa wears turtlenecks for the same reason. But why is it apparently so scary to you to put it down at all, even for a photo?" He knew that Isa would probably hear this and kinda wanted him to. Mostly because he felt that the answer would clear up a few things that had been baffling them both.

"Chaos?" He asks as he enters the room. He would've asked what was going on as well, but he had the distinct feeling that he'd get the answer pretty soon.

For now he simply leans against Lea's bed and waits for Xion's answers.

Axel asked her a direct question. And she wanted to keep her hands over her mouth to stop the flood of words. She did. But at the same time, she didn't want to make him angry at her. She fought with herself, words mumbled behind her gloves before she finally dropped her hands.

"I don't want to keep talking because it keeps hurting the both of you when I keep talking but I don't want to not answer because then you'll get upset and then you and Roxas might argue about you getting upset and I never want to be the reason the two of you argue again." the words tumbled out of her mouth as tears ran down her face, and she couldn't stop them. "Ever since you told me how Roxas left I was so afraid and upset that it was because of how you guys argued about you trying to stop me from leaving even if neither of you remembered the argument, because neither of you remembered me. You were best friends before I was created, I don't ever want to break that."

And he had asked about the hood, so the words kept coming. But she looked at Roxas now. "At the end, that last time on the clock tower you couldn't see my face any more, Roxas. You saw Sora. Saïx never saw my face at all. I know someone here" Noa "said he saw my face, but all the bullies kept on about how they couldn't" because she inadvertently exposed a weakness and that's how bullies ARE "and I can't handle it," she said looking to Axel, then back to Roxas, back pressed against the headboard of her bed. "I know Axel can see my face, but always could, but you stopped being able to Roxas and I don't want to see your eyes when you see someone else instead, or worse. Having been in Sora what if Sora is all you see? Or Like Riku you see Kairi? Or just see a blank face or no face at all? What if you can't look at me again after that?" She put her hands over her eyes under her hood again, small frame shaking badly. And she couldn't forget Saïx was right there, hearing all of this. She hurt. All of her hurt. She pushed her hands down further as she felt her mouth opening to say more. To say words she KNEW would hurt Axel. She wanted to run away, but now Saïx was between her and the door and he'd stop her. Either for Axel or to hurt her, either way he'd stop her and Axel would be hurt.

Had this been what Xion had been struggling with during her time here? Roxas looked up to Lea and Isa, a frown forming on his face. He dismissed his Keyblades-- he didn't need them here anymore-- and tried to face Xion again.

"I wasn't fighting with Axel because of you, Xion." He paused, frowning. "Well, you were brought up, but I wasn't mad because of you. I was mad at Xemnas and the rest of the Organization for what they were doing to us, and I was mad at Axel for keeping it a secret from us. Keeping it a secret from me." He couldn't help the brief glance at Axel; this was an old wound, one that no longer stung, but still left a scar on his heart. "I was never upset with you, or blamed you for what Xemnas did."

The talk of bullies had his expression sharpening. "Bullies..?" What bullies? Had people been bullying Xion?? His hands balled into fists and his jaw tightened, but... no. No one got away with hurting his friends, but this was something he'd have to look into later. Instead, he focused on Xion.

"I know last time we fought, I saw Sora's face. But I don't see that anymore. I see your face your true face. I have since that final battle, and I have since I returned to Twilight Town. And I'm sure if you lowered your hood right now, I'd still see black hair and blue eyes, just like I did before."

Lea had the good graces to look a bit chagrined when Roxas glanced his way. "Yeah, our argument was never about you, not that way," he told Xion. "Mostly it came down to me being an idiot when I should have just explained things, and Roxas calling me out on it. Didn't really realize it at the time, but you know, hindsight's 20-20 and everything."

"And the bullies were just a gang of local creeps," he told Roxas. "Xion could have knocked them all into next week if she'd half tried, but she was more worried about getting in trouble for hurting Somebodies than about them hurting her. I scared them enough that they're not likely to bother anyone for awhile, though." There was a bit of frustration evident there. Xion was willing to stand up for everyone but herself, protect everyone but herself, value everyone's safety but her own, it seemed.

But he crouched down again to rest a hand on Xion's trembling shoulder. "Roxas is right though, " he said. "Probably everyone would be able to see the real you now if you lowered your hood. Including Isa and including you yourself. Those bullies were lying because they were jerks and wanted to hurt you in any way they could."

"And honestly? Even if you looked like a drunk moogle in a pink tutu , you'd still be Xion, and you'd still be my best friend. I'll always be able to look at you. Because as corny as it sounds, appearances aren't what matter when you get right down to it; it's what's under the surface that counts."

"Though this goes right back to you convincing yourself that the worst is going to happen without much- if any- evidence to back it up," he said. "You just keep coming up with stuff to be afraid of to make yourself miserable and a lot of it could be pretty easily resolved if you'd just talk to us. You won't hurt us by letting us know something is bothering you. We're your friends; if something is bothering you we want to know so that we can help, and maybe work things out before they become a huge mess."

"... It seems to me that you're afraid of letting Lea and Roxas feel any negative emotions whatsoever," Isa added after Lea.

"But if your keep everything bottled up like this, they're just gonna end up worrying themselves sick, and you just end up suffering over things that likely could have been easily resolved."

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