diatu | I wanna know What you're feeling

She gave them a small tentative weak smile. "I want to believe that," she whispered. "So much." She looked to Roxas. "But how do we keep an eye on each other if you're sleeping somewhere else? Why can't we be together so we can protect each other?"

Roxas chuckled at Lea, nodding to him. "Yeah. Axel's right; between the three of us, we can handle anything." And he did believe that. They were all capable Keyblade wielders; they could handle any trouble that came their way.

Xion's words made him pause, thinking for a moment. "Well... if I can't come stay in your dorms, could we get some way for us to stay in contact? Like the gummiphones?"

Lea considered a moment. "I might be able to come up with something in Forging," he said. "It'd take a while, and the end result wouldn't be anything nearly as complicated as a gummiphone, but I should be able to make something that'd be good in emergencies at least."

"And in the mean time, we can check up with each other during the day sometimes like at meals, instead of just at sunset for ice cream," he said. "And besides, we're already connected no matter where we go because we're all best friends. That's worth a lot more than we tend to give it credit for."

"...What.. is a gummiphone...?" she asked, looking at them, so confused. Then she blinked. "Would that mean I'd actually have to go to the school more often?" Someone... may have been cutting even more than Axel was aware of.

"Oh, here. It's this thing." Roxas reached into his pocket and pulled out his gummiphone, pressing the button to turn it on before handing it to Xion. "Jiminy gave each of us one after the battle in the Keyblade Graveyard. It lets us keep in contact with each other even if we're on different worlds. But I haven't been able to contact anyone outside of this world since coming here."

He turned to Lea and nodded to him. "That's a good idea. I'd be up to spending more time with you guys in between classes." They made it to sunset ice cream fairly often, but sometimes they would go an entire day without seeing each other. Meeting up for meals or in between classes would be nice. "You think you could forge something for us?"

"Yes, it would," Lea said to Xion. "If I can drag my butt to class most of the time, you can too. Besides, occasionally the stuff you learn in some of them does come in handy, and it'd be nice to have someone there to help me not doze off in 'Law' and 'History of Wizardry'." Since he and Xion were both in Ka, they both had to take those classes.

Lea looked at gummiphone with interest as Roxas took it out to show Xion. He'd heard them mentioned at his point in the timeline, but this was his first time seeing one. "Probably?", he told Roxas. "Though like I said it wouldn't be anywhere near as sophisticated as a gummiphone; no way do I have the technical know-how to pull that off, especially around here."

"Though now that I know you have your gummiphone with you, did you check and see if the other functions still worked, like the camera?", he said. "I don't honestly expect that we'll be able to connect it to anything here, but we might still be able to do stuff with it."

While she was more than okay with the thought if seeing them more often during the day, if she was going to classes, when would she do her eagull missions to earn ice cream money? She'd have to figure it out, if they really wanted her there.

She turned the odd device over in her gloved hands, curious. "What about people inside this world?" she asked, looking up at Roxas.

"I think it can, but it hasn't registered any other gummiphones in the area." Meaning that even if it could call someone inside this world, there was no one to call, according to the gummiphone.

"I think that's okay. As long as we're able to get in touch with one another, that's probably good enough." And he trusts that Lea can manage something like that. He hasn't seen the redhead forge anything yet, but he has faith in his best friend.

"Let's see..." While Xion held the gummiphone, Roxas leaned over and flicked through a couple settings... and frown a bit as he did.

"Jiminy's logs aren't available either... and the camera's working, but none of the pictures I took are here." Strange.

"Whose logs?", Lea asked. He couldn't recall meeting or even hearing about anyone named Jiminy before.

"And it's too bad we don't get to see any pictures from the future," he said. "But as long as the camera's working, why don't we start taking some new ones? Starting with a group selfie; we've never had a picture of the three of us together, and it's about time. Though you'll probably wanna take your hood off for that, Xion."

As they were discussing the Gummiphone, there's a knock on the door, followed by the concerned voice of Isa.

"Lea, are you in there? Is everything alright?"

Xion had been about to open her mouth about the hood when she jumped a mile hearing the voice that went with the knock. She tried to keep her mouth shut, she really did. But for some reason everything was just spilling out today. "No, I don't want, I can't..." she fought herself trying to keep the words behind closed lips. She even went so far as to put her hands over her mouth, which only muffled her words, rather then stopping them.

Edited 2019-08-19 03:09 (UTC)

"Jiminy Cricket. He's responsible for keeping track of Sora's journey."

At the mention of a photo, Roxas brightened. "Hey, that's a great idea!" It would be nice to get a photo of all of them while they were here, especially now that his old photos were gone. But just as the idea was offered, the knock sounded at the door, and Roxas looked up.

"Saix..?" He only had a moment to inquire about the person at the door before he was drawn back to Xion. He could see her struggling to not say the words that were tumbling from her mouth, and he rested a hand on her shoulder.

"Xion, it's okay. He... Isa's not going to do anything, I promise."

...Well, crap. In all the excitement, Lea had forgotten he was going to be meeting Isa after ice cream. Not that he was disappointed to hear from his friend, but he suspected that his presence would trigger another round of chaos. Which might ultimately be a good thing, but that didn't make it any easier on any of them in the meantime.

Lea sighed. "Yeah, I'm in here," he said. "We all are. And things are... a bit weird at the moment, but I think it might be a good thing, ultimately. Either way, you can come in."

To Roxas he said. "I'm pretty sure she knows that by this point," he said. "Which is why I'm confused about what the current problem is. And I have a feeling I'm not the only one."

"Xion," he said, "why are you so reluctant to put your hood down? I mean, I get that you like to hide in it; Isa wears turtlenecks for the same reason. But why is it apparently so scary to you to put it down at all, even for a photo?" He knew that Isa would probably hear this and kinda wanted him to. Mostly because he felt that the answer would clear up a few things that had been baffling them both.

"Chaos?" He asks as he enters the room. He would've asked what was going on as well, but he had the distinct feeling that he'd get the answer pretty soon.

For now he simply leans against Lea's bed and waits for Xion's answers.

Axel asked her a direct question. And she wanted to keep her hands over her mouth to stop the flood of words. She did. But at the same time, she didn't want to make him angry at her. She fought with herself, words mumbled behind her gloves before she finally dropped her hands.

"I don't want to keep talking because it keeps hurting the both of you when I keep talking but I don't want to not answer because then you'll get upset and then you and Roxas might argue about you getting upset and I never want to be the reason the two of you argue again." the words tumbled out of her mouth as tears ran down her face, and she couldn't stop them. "Ever since you told me how Roxas left I was so afraid and upset that it was because of how you guys argued about you trying to stop me from leaving even if neither of you remembered the argument, because neither of you remembered me. You were best friends before I was created, I don't ever want to break that."

And he had asked about the hood, so the words kept coming. But she looked at Roxas now. "At the end, that last time on the clock tower you couldn't see my face any more, Roxas. You saw Sora. Saïx never saw my face at all. I know someone here" Noa "said he saw my face, but all the bullies kept on about how they couldn't" because she inadvertently exposed a weakness and that's how bullies ARE "and I can't handle it," she said looking to Axel, then back to Roxas, back pressed against the headboard of her bed. "I know Axel can see my face, but always could, but you stopped being able to Roxas and I don't want to see your eyes when you see someone else instead, or worse. Having been in Sora what if Sora is all you see? Or Like Riku you see Kairi? Or just see a blank face or no face at all? What if you can't look at me again after that?" She put her hands over her eyes under her hood again, small frame shaking badly. And she couldn't forget Saïx was right there, hearing all of this. She hurt. All of her hurt. She pushed her hands down further as she felt her mouth opening to say more. To say words she KNEW would hurt Axel. She wanted to run away, but now Saïx was between her and the door and he'd stop her. Either for Axel or to hurt her, either way he'd stop her and Axel would be hurt.

Had this been what Xion had been struggling with during her time here? Roxas looked up to Lea and Isa, a frown forming on his face. He dismissed his Keyblades-- he didn't need them here anymore-- and tried to face Xion again.

"I wasn't fighting with Axel because of you, Xion." He paused, frowning. "Well, you were brought up, but I wasn't mad because of you. I was mad at Xemnas and the rest of the Organization for what they were doing to us, and I was mad at Axel for keeping it a secret from us. Keeping it a secret from me." He couldn't help the brief glance at Axel; this was an old wound, one that no longer stung, but still left a scar on his heart. "I was never upset with you, or blamed you for what Xemnas did."

The talk of bullies had his expression sharpening. "Bullies..?" What bullies? Had people been bullying Xion?? His hands balled into fists and his jaw tightened, but... no. No one got away with hurting his friends, but this was something he'd have to look into later. Instead, he focused on Xion.

"I know last time we fought, I saw Sora's face. But I don't see that anymore. I see your face your true face. I have since that final battle, and I have since I returned to Twilight Town. And I'm sure if you lowered your hood right now, I'd still see black hair and blue eyes, just like I did before."

Lea had the good graces to look a bit chagrined when Roxas glanced his way. "Yeah, our argument was never about you, not that way," he told Xion. "Mostly it came down to me being an idiot when I should have just explained things, and Roxas calling me out on it. Didn't really realize it at the time, but you know, hindsight's 20-20 and everything."

"And the bullies were just a gang of local creeps," he told Roxas. "Xion could have knocked them all into next week if she'd half tried, but she was more worried about getting in trouble for hurting Somebodies than about them hurting her. I scared them enough that they're not likely to bother anyone for awhile, though." There was a bit of frustration evident there. Xion was willing to stand up for everyone but herself, protect everyone but herself, value everyone's safety but her own, it seemed.

But he crouched down again to rest a hand on Xion's trembling shoulder. "Roxas is right though, " he said. "Probably everyone would be able to see the real you now if you lowered your hood. Including Isa and including you yourself. Those bullies were lying because they were jerks and wanted to hurt you in any way they could."

"And honestly? Even if you looked like a drunk moogle in a pink tutu , you'd still be Xion, and you'd still be my best friend. I'll always be able to look at you. Because as corny as it sounds, appearances aren't what matter when you get right down to it; it's what's under the surface that counts."

"Though this goes right back to you convincing yourself that the worst is going to happen without much- if any- evidence to back it up," he said. "You just keep coming up with stuff to be afraid of to make yourself miserable and a lot of it could be pretty easily resolved if you'd just talk to us. You won't hurt us by letting us know something is bothering you. We're your friends; if something is bothering you we want to know so that we can help, and maybe work things out before they become a huge mess."

"... It seems to me that you're afraid of letting Lea and Roxas feel any negative emotions whatsoever," Isa added after Lea.

"But if your keep everything bottled up like this, they're just gonna end up worrying themselves sick, and you just end up suffering over things that likely could have been easily resolved."

She closed her hands over her mouth, over the words that wanted to spill out. The angry what would you know?! pain filled accusations that she wanted to spew at him. But she couldn't keep her hands in place long. Something made her pull them down, just as something made her keep talking.

"Everytime I have to explain what I am to someone, they get upset," she said, when her hands lowered. "If they see a blank face then they'll ask and it'll happen again and again and again. Even if you two," yes she said two not three, "see me for me, if they don't and I just keep upsetting everyone..." Which as much as she did NOT want to speak to Isa's point she felt the angry words burning their way out of her throat. "They finally have hearts and CAN feel now. Why would I want them to feel things that would make them wish they couldn't?! I want to protect my friends. They protected me from you and Xemnas over and over again, I may be small and weak and a failed experiment, but I want to protect my friends too! And there is nothing wrong with that!"

Roxas frowned at Lea, but decided to let it slide for now. But he'd be for sure talking to Lea about it, and maybe even making sure those bullies really weren't bullying anyone.

"Maybe... they just see what they want to see with you. If they want to see you for who you really are, they'll see your real face." Isa had only seen her as a puppet because that's all he'd thought of her as Saix, right?

When he spoke, even Roxas had to admit that Isa had a point. He nodded to him, then looked at Xion again.

"I have a heart now, and I know that means I'll feel everything a heart feels; sorrow and anger as much as happiness and joy. But at least I know that those are my feelings, and no one else's. And, I learned that friends may not be able to stop those feelings, but they can help support each other while they're being felt. Comforting those who are sad, calming down those who are angry... that's just as important as laughing at something funny or sharing a happy moment."

"Xemnas tried to make me think I had no emotions whatsoever. And Riku and DiZ tried to make me think that everything I felt was just because of my connection to Sora. I'm not letting anyone dictate those feelings anymore." And with a small, wry grin, he said in a gentle tone. "Sorry, Xion, but that means you, too. You don't have to keep me from feeling things. Instead... why don't we experience them together? Learn how to get through them together?"

Lea would be quite willing to tell Roxas about the situation with the bullies and how that had fallen out later on. As well as pointing out the offenders for Roxas to check up on- just in case they thought Lea was the only one they'd have to deal with if they caused trouble again. But as Roxas clearly knew, that discussion could wait until later.

"Roxas and Isa are both right," he said to Xion. "I didn't want my heart back to feel only part of the emotional spectrum; I wanted it all, good, bad, and indifferent. And still do. Yeah, things like anger or sadness might not be fun in the short term, but they're just as important as happier emotions, to a person and to a friendship."

"It's like...", he said, trying to find a metaphor that Xion would understand, before being hit by a small burst of inspiration. "It's like with sea salt ice cream. The reason it's so good is that you have both the sweet and the salty together. Yeah, you don't want it all to be salty, but all sweet isn't any better. Too much sweet, and it gets to be cloying, like the chocolate ice cream was that first night. You need both things, or else it just doesn't work."

"And I'm willing to bet that the reason people get upset when you explain who and what you are probably has a lot more to do with the fact that the Organization was just plain terrible and no one should have had to go through the kind of crap you and Roxas did than anything involving what you look like," he said. "There's a difference between people being upset for you and people being upset at you." After all, if there was one thing everyone in the room could agree on, it was how much the Organization sucked.

Isa found the whole thing frustrating, Lea and Roxas weren't so fragile that feeling a little sad or angry would hurt them, they didn't need protection from that. But Isa knew that Xion likely didn't realize the implications of what she was saying.

"Wanting to protect your friends is an admirable goal, but, you need to understand that hiding things and bottling everything up doesn't actually spare anyone's feelings, it just makes everything worse..."

He pauses, he may not know what sort of spell has Xion in its enchantment, but he can see the results, that it makes it impossible for her to keep from speaking her mind.

"So if something, or someone, is upsetting you, you need to tell Lea and Roxas, even if you think it will upset them."

Edited 2019-08-22 01:20 (UTC)

"That chocolate ice cream had been horrible," she said making a face. Not the point, not even a little bit the point, but those were the words that came out. "Why can't I stop talking? Why can't I just shut up?" she asked in a small distressed whimper, clutching her hand against her middle. "It was bad before but now he's here and he's what I don't want to talk about and I don't want to hu..." she shoved her hands over her mouth again, struggling, fighting to keep the words inside.

Roxas frowned at Xion's comment, before glancing at Isa. He truth potion effect had been hard with just him and Lea, but now that Isa was here, it looked like she was struggling even moreso.

"Xion... is a big part of this because Isa's here? Are you still worried about him?" He asked it carefully, in a calm voice. He tried to not make it sound too accusatory to either her or Isa; that's the last thing he wanted. "You know, you can talk about things that are bugging you, even if it's about one of us. It's okay to be honest with friends."

Lea had to fight the urge to snap at Xion for that sort of answer because they had literally just told her that speaking her mind wouldn't hurt them. Seriously, how hard was it to get that idea through her head?

Fortunately, Roxas spoke up first and prevented Lea from probably saying something he'd regret later. And also directly addressed the elephant in the room. "Yeah," he said. "Look Xion, you don't have to try and spare my feelings here if that's what you're worried about. I'm a big boy; I can handle it. But all this dancing around the topic is really starting to get old."

"If you have a problem with Isa, just say so," he said. "I'm pretty sure it's not what it originally was, since I figure even you have figured out that the likelihood of him being up to anything shady is pretty low at this point, but both Isa and I are waiting for an answer as to what it actually is. Just tell us, get it out in the open, and then we can deal with it. Together."

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