diatu | So It's Come To This: An NPC Intervention

So It's Come To This: An NPC Intervention

Who: Vaarsuvius and Headmaster Camillah Birony
What: It is time for a heart-to-heart.
Where: ?????
When: ?????
Warnings: ?????

One rant can be forgiven. Two, less so. And a threat of existential crisis, not at all.

The space they inhabit is much like the Headmaster's office as one might envision it, an image seen in the mind and intermixed with the blackness behind sightless eyes. The only truly clear figure in it is Headmaster Birony, who sits with her feet up on her image of a desk, hands folded behind her head as she leans back in her supremely comfortable chair.

"All right, Vaarsuvius," she says, quite pleasantly, as she motions for the elf to take a seat in a chair that hadn't been there moments before. "You think you're better than us, fine. You think you have all the answers, okay. You somehow feel you have the moral high ground to scream at the people who are trying to help you and protect others, whatever. And you're endangering all of us and apparently attempting to sign your soul over to an enemy of humanity? I gotta draw the line there. So let's talk."

She thumps one heel on her desk. A poster on the front promptly unrolls; it reads "YOU'RE SCREWING UP BADLY. CHANGE MY MIND."

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"I have never once failed to acknowledge that I am trapped on your miserable little rocks for the duration of this railroad plot."

"Yes. You have. Every time you insist you have your magic here. Every time you insist that this world should or must conform to your view. Every time you act like you yourself are bigger and more important than this world and everyone on it."

V is talking to Headmaster Camillah Birony. If one thing is true across the multiverse, it is that when the kooky wizard starts being serious and rational, things have Gotten Real. (In the business they refer to this as the Fizban Corrolary.)

V's arms crossed. "If you have a point, I suggest you make it sooner rather than later. Or better yet, follow the plot hook, send a party of adventurers off against this dragon and either pay me to be on it or leave me alone to my studies. I have midterms to both write and study for, as well as research of my own and office hours."

"I have made it. Several times, actually. You're not listening, which is pretty wild with those ears of yours?"

Hard to say just when her grin becomes cold as ice, but something definitely shifts in her expression.

"I tried to reason with you. Explain things to you. That didn't work, so now I'll make my point as orders. You will stick to learning the Curricula and stop tampering with what you believe to be your magic (and isn't!). You will avoid any contact with the dragon. You will not cause harm to others with your spells of any stripe. And you will not again rant at or insult the researchers who are busting their butts to help you. Those are my decrees as Headmaster. Don't make me enforce them. I'll have to spend hours explaining why it's just you that's a jackass and not all Sundered, and that will make me cry from tedium. Got it?"

"You remind me of a Paladin I knew back in my own world," V said, insultingly. "You want to give me orders, you pay my fees, and the roaming charges alone for this little railroad quest are prohibitive. I will not be told what I can and cannot study by a child, and asking me to not rant at people or insult them is simply proof of a low INT score. It is like telling the Halfling not to steal things or Miss Starshine to give up treasure. I am not rewriting my character sheet to suit you."

One eyebrow arches up into a perfect curve.

"We are saving your life. Is the value of that life lower than at least pretending respect and courtesy to the people that are saving it? Because I think not threatening to plunge the world into calamity and ruin is a small price to pay to preserve that 'magnificent brain' of yours so it can save your world when you get back to it."

"You believe you might be saving my life. Perhaps. Either you have answers that you know to be facts, and thus know more about the situation than you have let on and thus cannot be trusted, or you know precisely as little as you claim in which case the danger to us is, at best, a reasonably educated guess. I am working to master the power you claim I need to master in order to survive, on the likelihood that either way, that much is potentially at least partially correct. However I see absolutely no reason whatsoever to limit myself to JUST those studies."

At that, Headmaster Birony's jaw drops.

It is not a comic drop. It does not reach the floor or anything hilarious like that. Her shock is genuine.

"When," she says, slowly rising from her chair with her arms outstretched, "have we ever not been clear that we know perfectly well this energy will destroy you? We've Intimated it! We've never hidden it! And I have told you the reason why you shouldn't work on your alleged studies, and you ignored it! That's why I switched to orders!"

"Oh you have been clear that we need to master this new magic or die. However you have also been just as clear that you do not understand well enough how we were brought here to send us home, as the two things are clearly linked either your knowledge or your motives are questionable. As I do not have a sense motive check worth taking twenty, my smartest play is the prepare for you to be knowledgeable and untrustworthy, trustworthy and mistaken, trustworthy and correct, mistaken and lying. The best way to prepare for all of the above is to study both all forms of magic that I can, which is precisely what I have been doing, as to the rest, you disliking my personality is an issue between personalities and nothing more."

The Headmaster sinks back into her chair, fingers working at her forehead.

"There is. Only. One. Form. Of Magic. All you are doing is shoving your rules into it. You are going to break it if you keep that up. And I'm not going to let you. Either stop voluntarily or I'll stop you. End of story."

"Magic is not a cheap lute one buys from a store at level one, it cannot be broken. At least not without a proper epic level quest."

And quite frankly, V would love to see you try...

Headmaster Birony proves that she might actually have some small capacity for her position by failing to roll her eyes.

"The Curricula can. And they exist for a very good reason. Without that structure, magic is unstable and chaos can and will result. Thus why we stay within the Curricula. And you need to. You are not more important than this world and all its people."

"If there were only one way to do magic there would only be ONE magic using class! But there isn't! There are Sorcerers and Wizards who use Arcane magic Clerics and Paladins who use Devine, Druids and Rangers who use Nature magic and don't even get me started on Bards and other classes that really shouldn't even HAVE magic. Magic is like life! There is no singular path! it grows and evolves! It has twists and turns and new secrets to explore always! Thinking there is only one way limited only the mage, not the magic!"

Cam Birony rocks her open hands back and forth, like she's balancing something. "Our world. Not your world. Our world. Okay? Get it? Our world. Our rules. Our fundamental force of reality the likes of which you know nothing, no matter how many years you studied on your world. Is this clear? Is any of this getting through to you? I can't make it clearer."

"Show me the source book," V said after a long moment.

She motions in the direction of the Library of Starchime, which conveniently communicates itself despite having no reason to whatsoever."That's the Grand Codifications. Before which there were no rules at all."

"I have done much research in that library, but shall read these Codifications as well. I presume you will be, in fact, sending a party after the dragon?"

"I think you are just -- underestimating how easily we can handle a normal dragon. Let alone a ghost dragon. We're honestly all lucky to be alive!" Headmaster Birony said, all perky again. "Except the ghosts. They're not that lucky."

"I honestly cannot tell if you are trying to claim that defeating the dragon will be easy or impossible," V said, irritated.

"Pretty much impossible! Aside from it already being dead and that not stopping it, it took... let's just say a lot of work, a LOT of work, to shake off the yoke of dragonkind. And a really lucky accident or three. One of them alone is more powerful than everyone here, put together, then doubled." Snapping her fingers shut like jaws, she demonstrated the most likely outcome of anyone challenging the dragon.

"Aren't cases like this, impossible to defeat monsters, more powerful than all the people combined EXACTLY the sort of plot hook that leads to the formation of a party?!"

"Not when a mysterious group of otherworldly people and beings has showed up, for reasons and purposes unknown," the Headmaster counters.

V's jaw actually dropped for a long moment. "That... that sounds EXACTLY like the start of an epic campaign plot hook?!" Was everyone here insane? "Make the party out of a misfit band of Sundered and natives, and you have a unlikely team that is sure to win the day!"

Headmaster Birony shakes her head. "No, no, no. There are enough Sundered that we're clearly on the 'wide scale' level of engagement. This isn't a small-unit-tactics situation any more. But there aren't enough that it's a societal upheaval either!"

".....Social upheaval?" So was THAT the plot hook then? V could work with that, probably.

"Yes. We'd like to avoid that. Riots bad. Fearmongering bad. Slaying of innocents, very bad." And the Sundered are innocents! By virtue of being convicted under no laws in the Tenscore Kingdoms!

Except for the elf she's facing right now. Hmm.

"Yes, because that is the only form of social upheaval. Right."

"Well, it's MUCH more likely than, say, you guys overthrowing our kingdoms and establishing a tyranny!"

"The presupposes any of us wish to remain here long enough to bother with wishing to be in control."

"Some of you want to stay, you know," Headmaster Birony says evenly. "So making sure they can is important too."

"What about this world do you think is so appealing that given any other option at all people would choose to remain?"

"Lack of enemies." She ticks off the points on her fingers. "Lack of horrible circumstances. Being alive. Those are three big ones, I think!"

"Big undead dragon ringing any bells?" V asked, dryly. "So not a lack of enemies, just a lack of arch rivals. I am pretty certain losing our own powers and being saddled with powers that will kill us if we fail to master them qualifies as a horrible circumstance, even before we consider the nightmare of this school all on its own. As to being alive, death is only a concern if your party lacks the diamonds or access to a high enough level cleric to bring you back. or if you are someone for whom your party would not spend for a resurrection."

"Big undead dragon is a general enemy, not a specific one. Big difference!" It just wants to kill everyone IMpersonally, not specifically hunt people down for who they are. "Also it may shock you to hear we don't routinely resurrect the dead around here... which I realize may account for some of your, ah, lack of sensitivity towards others."

"Why? Not enough Clerics? Just pledge money to raise a temple to their gods, and there you go. A group of clerics thrilled to bring back the dead and heal your wounds for a reasonable donation. Or just have one on staff and pay their fees."

Yes, this is why V really doesn't think much of explosive runes. Healing spells and potions are abundant where V comes from. Especially at higher levels.

"Just don't try to save money by hiring paladins. More trouble than they're worth."

"Right. See, those aren't a thing here. And neither is raising the dead. There are maybe three people who can do it, and they're all the best of the best of the very very best wizards."

"That's a wizard class skill in this set." How odd. "Very well, so then what is needed is to train more wizards to that level. Very well."

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So It's Come To This: An NPC Intervention

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Shame V';s canon point is from before meeting Elan's dad....

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