diatu | [OPEN] If I don't move

[OPEN] If I don't move

Who: Eleven and OPEN
What: El being irresponsible
Where: Places
When: June, anytime
Warnings: Woops, angst and tragic backtories happened.
TW: mentions of: murder; abuse; suicide
Notes: Action or prose is fine!

A. Any library

[Humans, enslaved by dragonkind. Since hearing of it, an odd, morbid curiosity has taken hold until the thought of it wouldn't leave him.

But why? What would dragonkind need from humans?

It's enough to pull him from Raida's temple to seek more information in Diatu and Anastara's greater libraries.

He doesn't have as much time to devote to the research as he'd like, but still he crams in time to read the most relevant and interesting passages in the various tomes he can find. They're largely ancient history books to offset the class he isn't taking- focused on that particular period of time, how it came about, and how it ended- to an extended curiosity about the breadth of the race of dragonkind itself.

Already loaded down with an armful of books he doesn't really need, Eleven catches a glimpse of an eye-catching binding set with runes and his fingers itch for it]

Maybe if I skip training today, I could still have time to study..

B. Somewhere Open

He did it once, in a burst of wild anger, summoned lightning through his veins and threw it out of his fist in a blow meant to blister. Not again since.

Eleven turned his wrist over, staring at the mark of light tattooed on the back of his hand. It had yet to glow once since arriving, but now as storm clouds loomed, darkening with the setting sun and getting closer, his arm stretched out to greet them- as though he might grasp them when finally they arrived.

Afire with nervous anticipation, a word to a spell on his lips, he threw his hand skyward.

"Zap!"

Lightning flashed and flickered in a nearby cloud, but failed to strike anything in particular. No strong scent of ozone played on the breeze.

..Coincidence, he wondered- or simply the wrong word?

C. Edge of Anastara

The Sword of Light.

Lain across his lap, Eleven decided that sitting on the edge of a floating island was a lot like sitting on the edge of the world. His feet hung suspended over an abyss of sky and low-flying clouds. Eyes on the horizon, he would occasionally glance down for that low-swooping feeling in his chest. A breeze pulled at him- at once encouragement and warning.

A tiny part of his heart wanted to throw the fabled weapon out into the endless sky and never gaze upon it again, but his hands held it fast as though afraid of that very impulse.

He still wasn't used to staring out across a clear sky in all directions, unable to make out even the silhouette of one particular floating tree. Right now, he only wished to see it in order to feel like he was being heard.

"I'll do it!" Eleven snapped at nothing in particular, dropping back into the grass only to glare and yell at the empty sky above. "I never said I wouldn't! I just wanted to be normal for awhile!"

His arm dropped to shadow his face on a sigh as he pulled the sword of light to lay at his side. "..But it looks like that doesn't matter at all."

D. Wildcard!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"Objectively, I expect not, but my aunt and uncle--my stepparents--decided that their son was so much more important than I was, so everything was handed to him. Not that they were happy to have to care for me after my parents died, but once Asahi was born, things got much worse."

Carefully, Yotsuyu stepped closer and settled down next to him, arranging her kimono so it covered her knees.

"They acted as if I stole everything from him. As if I had asked for my parents to die, to make their lives difficult. No." Really, she would have done anything to have had her own parents alive. To have ended up any way but the way she had.

"It was him they set their star on, so that we became Imperial citizens. He got into the Magitek Academy in Garlemald--and I? They married me off to bitter old drunk, twice my age. For status, they said. It would be good for all of us, they claimed."

Yotsuyu laughed bitterly at that. "He beat me as he pleased, but he only lived a few years. And after that? I was sold to a pleasure house, to pay his debts. Oh, surely I gained grace and better manners from that, but..."

She paused, then, pressing a fist to her mouth. "And this is but half. Can you not see why I did not want to tell you this? You are not a child, but..."

But it was still horrible, and Yotsuyu had wanted to protect him from something he had no power over.

He was not a child, no- although he wished he were, if only so he wouldn't understand. Bad enough to imagine being overlooked as a child, but the rest.. he could only stare, horrified. His fists curled and tightened into themselves, but it was a useless, directionless rage.

Eleven's eyes watered, as it seemed they were won't to do. In that, he guessed he was still immature. More than anything, he wanted to help- to do something, to fix it- but not even the Luminary could aspire to alter someone's past.

"..I'm sorry," he said finally, voice edged with grief and drawing a knee up to his chest. "You didn't have to- you don't have to tell me. You don't.. owe me anything."

Edited 2019-06-19 00:35 (UTC)

Yotsuyu sighed, even as she bowed her head. "You need to know. You see me only one way--Hendrik's friend, another protector, perhaps. A good person. While I have tried to be so here--I have tried to change my ways--I was not always so."

She glanced over at Eleven briefly, and then looked up at the sky. "I am lying to you, do you understand? That is how I feel. It is not that I am doing it a-purpose, though yes, we could certainly both get by without hearing my tale in all its sordid glory. But I cannot think it would be right."

Not that Hendrik seemed to have really gotten it, either. Or perhaps it was simply because now, she was trying to no longer be the Witch of Doma. And so he was willing to forgive her whatever sins he perceived her to have.

"I became a spy for the Empire, and basically turned my countrymen over to them whenever I could. Made it easier for them to grind Doma beneath their heel--oh, how I hated Doma! I took my revenge against them, because I could not take it against my parents or my brother. I helped the Empire sap its will. I murdered them at my whim, because I was so angry. They never saw what was done to me. I was too broken. Or that actually making an attempt to aid me was too disruptive to their lives. I tried to assassinate the rightful lord of Doma, and when I was stymied in that, I tried to bring Doma Castle down upon us all--myself, Hien Rijin's retainers, and the Warrior of Light. But I failed."

Though she realized, had she not been swept out to sea and tended by Gosetsu, she would have died even sooner than she had. The old samurai had saved her more than once--because Zenos yae Galvus had promised her death, had she failed in preventing Doma's liberation, as she had.

I murdered them at my whim.

Eleven shook his head, hair flying all directions until it fell in front of his face. He pressed his forehead against his knee and held it. He didn't want to hear this. He didn't want to hear it at all.

Shoulders bunched around his knee, he bit his lip as his beliefs challenged themselves and he worked to reconcile everything he was hearing with the woman he knew. Vengeance, murder, sabotage- a dark, blood-stained history he'd never thought to look for.

"You were wronged, I understand that," he said, slightly muffled. "And angry.. for more than I can imagine." It didn't sound like all of those murders were justified- though he'd bet some of them were. "..Is it that you're trying to repent for your sins here?"

Repent for her sins...here?

Perhaps...But it is too late for me. There can be no redemption.

"No...no." Yotsuyu said hoarsely. "How could I? I have been judged, I am sure, though I do not recall it now. And none here now would know me as I was." Alphinaud had been gone for months, now, after all. Not that he'd been a guardian of what little virtue she had, after all.

"I was given a chance...not much of one, but after Gosetsu and I were swept out to sea--he'd held the ceiling of the castle up so his lord could escape, you see--I lost my memory. He cared for me as if I were a child..."

After she had tormented him so much.

Can't you see how scared she is? How can you be scared of her? She's not the same. It had only been the wisdom of a child, but that had saved her life, more than Hien Rijin did at that moment.

"I went down to Namai to get him a persimmon...and all the villagers were afraid of me. I had been...getting flashes of what I know now were my memories...but then, I could not remember. Gosetsu had called me Tsuyu..."

She did not realize that by now, tears were spilling down her cheeks. "This...girl child...almost more than Hien, I think she saved me. She told the villagers that I was so scared, that I had to be different--and at least then, I was! I did not want to hurt anyone, all my hate had drained away. The sea had stolen it from me. I was..." Did she dare to say it? It had not been perfect, no, but.

"I was happy. And so, of course, fate contrived to take that all away. Asahi came, to do a prisoner exchange. And he brought our parents with him. And it all came crashing back--every memory I had lost!"

As long as you're happy. That's all that matters. A brother and his sister. But not her 'brother', and not her. Is something wrong, dear sister? These are our beloved parents! Does not the sight of them bring back sweet childhood memories?

Shouts. Slaps. Do not grow too fond of this place, dear sister. You will come back to us ere long.

"If only I hadn't remembered," Yotsuyu whispered. Father. Mother. Was it not you who made me into this monster?

"I murdered my parents. But at that point, I was but a blade in Asahi's hand. He took me back to the Castrum. He'd given me a mirror...an artifact from the Kojin. He coaxed me...promised me vengeance." But not against the one she'd wanted...not yet.

"Eikons...are like gods. They are also called primals, and the Empire has outlawed them. That mirror helped me summon--helped me become the primal Tsukuyomi. I intended to cloak Doma in eternal darkness and rule it with the iron fist I'd had as the Acting Viceroy. I'd only been made that because Zenos hoped I'd crush my homeland. To do what he was too busy to--too busy hunting the bestial Eorzeans or whatever else excuse he cared to give the Emperor. Asahi used me to break the burgeoning peace treaty between Doma and Garlemald." Why, she'd never been certain.

"But the Warrior of Light triumphed over Tsukuyomi. And so I lay there weakened but alive...and then? Asahi shot me." Her lips curved in a fierce smile, despite the tears that still trailed down her face. "I had saved my strength for him, though--the last waning bits of it. And I struck him with Tsukuyomi's katana...and slew him. And thus died the Witch of Doma."

Truly, then. That woman was long gone. For good or ill...there was only Yotsuyu, now.

The story set his heart racing, drawn in despite the horrors laid bare within. It twisted to hear of Yotsuyu's memory loss and the temporary happiness it had given her. If only that peace could have lasted.

If only he were brave enough to reach for her in her grief.

Tsukuyomi.. And the murder of the last person that had wronged her. Just, in that he had also killed her.

Silence settled like a cloak, and Eleven turned his eyes out to the sky. He sniffed against his sleeve and blinked through wet eyes. There was no happy end to her life, but he could feel a sense of closure from it.

"..So," he said after several long moments, clearing his throat when the word came out more roughly than intended. "Your hatred is gone, and you've been given another chance in this place."

"I suppose that you are right, and I have. Yes. I thought my hatred was an unending abyss...but Asahi's death seemed to fill it." Not that it was a surprising thought. Not at all.

"I have been...trying. As you know. I mean...you have seen me trying." Not that Yotsuyu really thought she'd been having terrible success, but she was not actively attempting to be cruel any more. Not unless someone gave her a reason. After all, what was the point? So far, no one here had harmed her.

Inelegantly, she rubbed a hand along her face as if she were a child, and scooted along the ground, closer to Eleven, to reach an arm out and tuck it around his shoulders, tugging him into a hug.

Eleven folded back into her arm and leaned against her. Even knowing now that those were the same hands that committed so many crimes, he couldn't bring himself to be discomfitted beyond the thought.

"I know that you have." And there was the problem, really. He knew now that she had worked in darkness- for evil- for much of her life, but he couldn't find the line between them anymore. Certainly, many of those deaths were undeserved, but did that mean she didn't deserve redemption?

He'd thought he'd never separate the Luminary and Darkspawn, but he had. Only now, confronted with a gray morality, he'd never been more confused.

Eleven breathed a long sigh and tipped his head back to the sky above.

"I'm not a god," he said finally. "So I can't judge anyone, but I think if you're trying to redeem yourself, then you can't be truly evil. Even Hendrik was guided by an evil hand, but later chose to become my protector and I've long since forgiven him."

Yotsuyu was quiet for a moment, simply listening to Eleven, though when he brought up Hendrik, she snorted.

"Hendrik. He was manipulated. I do not know a great deal about the circumstances of all that, but that much I can tell. That, and he has not forgiven himself." Or perhaps he had, but about as much as she had forgiven herself--which was to say, not at all. But it had only been a few short months for her from the time she had done such horrible things. Besides, she knew well about manipulation--Yotsuyu was a past master of it herself, when she chose.

"I do not think I wanted to be evil, at least. Vengeful and wanting to harm those who harmed me? Or those I perceived to have harmed me? That, very much so. I am not certain I would hurt anyone from Doma, now, had I the chance."

"..I know," he said on a sigh, glancing down at his hands. "I tried."

But that sort of forgiveness is something he'll have to realize for himself, as he had.

"I think... darkness was created around you. Even I could have been corrupted by it, but I was fortunate enough to be raised with kindness. If you had that sort of life, evil would never have taken root within you."

"You cannot force him to it, any more than you can force me to it," Yotsuyu said, echoing Eleven's thoughts unconsciously. "It is something we have to learn ourselves. I can see it for myself, I think...but I have hung on to things for so long, it is equally difficult to let go."

Sometimes, it had been all she had, to clutch desperately, if futilely, at the things she had. But Yotsuyu was well aware that to cling to this was nothing good. It was a salted field, where nothing could grow.

"I wished for a normal life," she murmured. "It was simply denied me. I think you are right, if there had been anything like normalcy or fairness--though how well I know that the latter hardly happens!--I probably never would have been...what I was."

"No more than you could," he echoed, nodding. Though he appreciated all the same that she'd cared enough to try.

"I hope you find your peace here. But.. if darkness begets darkness, then I wonder where it stops. In your world, the people you harmed are touched by it, and light seems so fragile."

"Doma was liberated from the Empire, even before my passing. They have...a chance. To heal, at least. There had been word that the Empire's heir had been slain..." The Warrior of Light had been busy, to say the least. Speaking of...

"Eorzea's champion remains. They have their protector, at least, and there are those who would aid the Warrior of Light in anything he has to do. If they are not perhaps secure, the world at least has that."

And the Warrior of Light had his own companions, as well, beyond the Scions who had sworn to aid him and save the world. "You need not worry about Doma, or Eorzea, or Hydaelyn. You should worry about yourself and Erdrea."

Not that Yotsuyu particularly wanted to shove him in that direction, of course, but Eleven also didn't need to worry about a world he could do nothing for, either.

"It does you credit that you would consider the world I left, though. Thank you."

Unease settled into his smile, not quite sincere. Erdrea had their Luminary, but his spirit had been stolen.

"..The Warrior of Light is like your Luminary, except his title is something he earns, rather than is born with. ..Alphinaud said as much, anyway."

His smile turned wry and wistful. "I think Hendrik would be the Luminary, if that was how it worked in Erdrea."

Yotsuyu paled briefly as she glanced at Eleven. "Would he now? Then I am glad it is you that is the Luminary, and not he."

She lifted a hand, so certain was she that El would defend his protector. "I mean not to disparage him, but he is...Hendrik is painfully good. He embodies many properties a knight should have, and that is no bad thing. But he is...easily led, like a bull with a nose-ring, and thus is easily manipulated. He is not given overmuch to introspection or thought, and you know this--such things are what led to your opposition with him at first, is it not?"

She sighed, then. "And certain things, he accepts far too easily. That is not something a true warrior for good should do--at least, I think not, and I have at least passing acquaintance with warriors for the light!" Yotsuyu gave a wry chuckle, then. "They should not be too complacent or too comfortable. For all your suffering, Eleven...you make a better Luminary, because you have more heart."

Eleven's eyes lowered, frowning into the grass. Much as he did want to defend Hendrik, Jade had said he was loyal to a fault, and he'd proven that.

It had taken Mordegon revealing himself to change him.

"..I guess that's true. I only wish I was as strong and unwavering as he is. He proves his strength over me every day, and I wonder if I really can defeat Mordegon if I can't even overcome Hendrik."

Edited 2019-06-21 01:07 (UTC)

"You underestimate yourself. How many months have you been training? Hendrik has had years, if not decades. That would be like...me, expecting you to be a well-trained spy after a few days." Yotsuyu nudged Eleven gently in the side with an elbow. "It took me a good decade to learn that sort of thing, too. Time is what makes one improve."

She gave a soft snort. "You will catch up with physical strength. You are rather strong for your age, mentally, you know." Of course Eleven had had anguish and self-doubt, but that was part of being a teenager as well. He was remarkably resilient.

"You do need to watch how unwavering you wish to be, though." Yotsuyu bit her lip. The words she spoke next were said mockingly at another time, but were true enough when she said them now. "'Tis better to bend with the wind than stand tall and be broken."

Eleven sighed, slumping a bit.

"That's not true," he said, rubbing the lingering wet trails from his face. "I feel like I'm crying all the time. I need.. Hendrik's strength and Professor Mala's wisdom, but I don't have 20 or 50 years to wait for them to come to me."

"I am not lying," Yotsuyu growled, albeit softly. "There are many here who do not have my respect, and those, I would lie to without a care. You do not number among them, Eleven. For good or ill, I would not lie to you. Why do you think I told you what I did?"

When lying--or continuing to omit the knowledge--would have been easier for both of them.

"So you cry? Not even that means you are weak. It means you are hurting, and letting it go rather than holding it in. Even that has wisdom to it."

She shook her head, then. "While it may benefit you to have both, and perhaps even my counsel--if I give myself altogether too much credit...what you need the most of is to be yourself. I am not convinced your Yggdrasil chose poorly. It is simply that steel needs to be tempered before it can be a good weapon, no? Is that not true of forging as well?"

He nodded and let his arms drape over his knees. Envisioning himself as a weapon in need of tempering didn't do much to inspire, however.

"..So your counsel is to be myself, rather than the Luminary? I feel as though I've tried that, but the sword came to me as if a reminder- like it's something I can't deny anymore. But the person that's me just wants to forge things and be normal."

Yotsuyu pondered this for a moment, frowning softly, brow furrowed. "Is there a way you can balance both? I mean, 'tis necessary for you to return to Erdrea at some point, but..."

She did not want to balance the Witch of Doma with anything, so really, she wasn't the best to advise on this point. "I suppose I could be giving better advice, but I truly do not want to revisit who I was on Hydaelyn. So that is much different."

He shook his head.

"I don't know," he said with a sigh and helpless shrug and glance to his new sword. "If this is Yggdrasil's will, then She might need me to regain my power soon, so I should focus on that. But... maybe I can still work on Forging a little. And have a few friends."

"Perhaps, yes. But perhaps this is a path. Yes, She may have sent you the sword to remind you not to shirk, but...Yggdrasil set you upon it, and there are those of us who may advise you the best we may--myself, Hendrik, you've other friends, I know. But only you can decide what is right. You are wise for your years, and you have a good heart. I do not think they will lead you wrong."

Yotsuyu sighed, then. Was there some way she was simply leading Eleven in circles? She didn't want to think that that was a thing she was doing--she did not want to be the snake in the garden, or the one leading him astray.

Staring out across the endless sky, he's never felt less wise. He knows what he should do, but neither would he have the identity of the Luminary consume him. There had to be a balance; he just needed to find it.

"..I don't think I'll work it out for some time yet, but I'm glad for your counsel."

His eyes turned to her, fingers tapping against his arm. "I'm sorry, for the painful life you were forced to lead. If there's any way I can help you to find happiness here.."

That made Yotsuyu laugh--he was so terribly earnest, didn't he realize that he'd already been a help? She leaned over to give him a kiss on the cheek. Silly boy. Sweet boy.

"You already have, Eleven--or were you not aware?" she asked, arching a brow and smiling at him. "I doubt I will ever have children of my own--I was treated so poorly, and I am afraid I would do the same to them--assuming with what has happened, I even can." Yotsuyu shrugged, then. The what ifs didn't seem terribly important, at the moment. "At least, at this point, I feel as if you are the closest thing to a son I shall ever have. And I treasure that."

[OPEN] If I don't move

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