diatu | OTA - Xion catch all for Mid Feb (CW: suicide mentions)

OTA - Xion catch all for Mid Feb (CW: suicide mentions)

This is not how we stay hidden!

Well, Xion has come to accept that killing herself is pointless until she can find a way to erase people's memories of her here. But she is still trying to actively avoid letting people make memories of her, so she is mostly avoiding people. She hasn't been to her dorm, she might have ghosted into a few classes late if the door was left open, the stand in the shadows near the door, but would flee if spotted. In town she also tries to stick to the shadows and stay hidden.

Which works passably well for the first day or two. Until the incident. For some reason someone thought that she was someone else, some singer or... something. Some Somebody. They screamed a name, and when she looked over, confused, they took that to mean they were right. Next thing Xion knew a mob was forming, screaming that name and... chasing her. Because no way was she standing still for that, and even with her Keyblade and powers...what could she do? These weren't Nobodies, these weren't Heartless, she couldn't ATTACK. So she RAN.

Anyone want to help a Nobody?

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Sunsets and surprises

So those who have already met Xion probably know that she thinks everything would be better if she were dead and forgotten. This isn't to say that her idea of this is groundless, but it is certainly concerning. So what might also be concerning is that she has developed a habit of exploring to find ledges and rooftops on tall buildings, looking for one where she could sit and watch the sunset.

But she's never told anyone this is what she is doing, or why she is wandering around ledges near the end of each day.... So it might look a little concerning...

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"Then what kind of place do you need?" She almost took a step closer, but managed to catch herself at the last moment. "Please...I'd like to help if I can."

"I am past the point of anyone being able to help me. And It isn't the job of a Somebody like you to help a Nobody like me. The darkness is my place." She shook her head again, her vice strong but a bit bitter. "I was not made to stand in the light."

Maybe that was why she enjoyed the sunset so much. Why Axel and Roxas did too. It wasn't just the end of their work for the day, it was the end of the time they had to skulk around and hide. The castle was a horrible and dimplace, but at least they could be themselves up on the clock tower, in that moment that was neither day nor night, not fully dark, not fully light.

Her frowned deepened, but this time she stood her ground. "Well...it may not be my 'job'. But that doesn't mean I can't want to help. And if you can't stand in the light...maybe someone can stay with you in the darkness."

She looked startled, but shook her head. "You don't want to stay in the Darkness. Real people seldom do well there. You could lose you heart, and end up a Nobody like us."

Frowning a bit, she then glanced out towards the horizon. “Well...how about this? I stay in the light, and you can stay in the darkness, and we can meet in the middle? Like the sunset.” She pointed to the sun, where the sky was darkening as the sun lowered, but streaks of orange light still colored the edge of the skyline. “That way, it’s a little of both. We can still meet, without either of us crossing to the other side.”

She just stared at her. "Why would you want to....?" she asked, stunned by this offer. It... it made no sense.

She offered a small smile. "I know you said that you're not supposed to exist...but the fact is, right here, right now...you do exist. I don't know what it's like in your world, so I don't understand everything about Nobodies and darkness...and maybe things will change later. But until that happens, I want to help you. Even if all I can do is walk in the light next to you while you're in the darkness."

Glancing towards the setting sun again, she shrugged. "If you have to be in darkness...maybe it'd be easier if you weren't alone."

That.... Xion wasn't sure but that sounded... like friendship.

She shook her head. "I.... I will not be here long... And you will have to forget me...."

So why... why suffer now?

She fell silent, taking a moment to consider that.

"Well..." she then said slowly, "if that is the case...then why would it be bad for us to get to know each other? If it doesn't matter in the en...you stop existing, and I'll end up forgetting you...what's the harm in it?"

"Because it could hurt." You, not her. Her own pain... didn't really matter. "And because if you care... you might try and stop me." And of course the biggest reason... "And you have a heart. I don't. There are things I will never understand, never be able to feel.... that you can. You... You should spend your time with someone who can actually care. Not a Nobody like me..." she whispered.

She thought about that for another long moment.

"...It's true that it could hurt...But...that's true no matter who it is. Two people with hearts still have the power to hurt each other, whether it's accidental or intentional. But that's still a risk we take in order to make friends.

"So if we can risk getting hurt for someone with a heart...I don't see why it can't be the same for someone without a heart. Especially since, even if you don't have a heart, you care enough that you don't want me to be hurt."

"I can't care. I don't have a heart to care with!" Why wasn't she getting this?

She tilted her head, looking more confused than anything. "If you don't care, then why are you worried about me getting hurt?"

This was making her head hurt. "I am a Nobody, we don't have hearts and we don't have feelings, okay?"

She still seemed confused. "That doesn't seem right. You're concerned about me getting hurt, and about me being in Darkness. That shows that you do feel something."

"Maybe you just want me to feel something because you do. I don't know!"

Was frustration a feeling?

Frustration was definitely a feeling, and while Fluttershy noticed that, she thought it better than to point it out right now.

"I'm only saying, it just doesn't seem to make sense."

"I don't even really exist! What part of any of this makes sense at all?"

"Well, that's what I mean. You say you don't exist, and you don't have a heart so you don't have feelings. But you're here, and you seem to have feelings of some kind. So I don't understand how all of that can be true at the same time."

"It just is! I'm a Nobody, we're not supposed to make sense, we're not even supposed to exist!"

Her frown deepened, a troubled expression on her face. "...but do you want to?"

She turned away. "It doesn't matter what I want. I'm not even a Nobody. I'm a broken puppet."

She hesitated a moment, then chanced taking a step towards her. "...It matters to me. I might not be able to fix what's broken...but I'd like to help make it a bit better."

"Why? Why would it matter to a Somebody what happens to a thing?"

"Because you're not a 'thing' to me. Even if you're not supposed to exist, you're still a person." She offered a shrug and a small smile. "And if I'm a Somebody with a heart, then of course I'd want to help."

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