diatu | You've got a piece of me (Closed)

What could she even say? Where could she even begin? There was too much. All of it was just... too much. It was as if every word she ever learned wanted to come tumbling out of her mouth at the same time... and yet... none of them did. It made no sense. And she hurt and she didn't understand it. She wanted to run away, run to the beach and just keep running until she couldn't move any more. But she also didn't want to pull away, in case this was the last time she ever saw him.

She knew it was foolish, but at the same time she felt like it really could happen. If she didn't say something... would he just leave and go spend all his time with Saïx? Or would he stay until she spoke, and speaking would let him leave? Did he want to leave?

She didn't even know what she was thinking anymore. Nothing made sense, even in her own mind, because everything she wanted was in conflict with everything else she wanted.

She was shaking badly under his hands, and felt like she was going to rip apart. He wanted her to ask if she had questions and she had so many questions. Most of them though... she didn't want to hear him answer. Because she thought she might know what that answer would be.

But one question finally escaped, and she regretted it the moment it did.

"Why does it hurt?" she whispered.

Her face was wet. And she hurt. And she was shaking. Her knees gave out from under her, leaving him as the only chance she had of staying upright....

Lea hadn't been gripping her shoulders that tightly, so he wasn't entirely prepared when Xion's knees buckled. But he did have just enough time to catch her more properly and let her lean against him so that he could hold her as she cried. He knelt down on the ground fully, settling them both as comfortably as he could, and wrapping her in a gentle hug. They might be there awhile.

"It hurts because you're scared and upset," he said gently. "Sometimes hearts hurt like that when you have too many emotions and thoughts that you don't know what to do with. But those tears you're crying? They'll help. I know."

"I used to cry a lot when I was younger," he said after a moment. "That's actually what the marks under my eyes were about; upside down teardrops. They... were actually Isa's idea. He said they'd help me be brave and not cry so much."

"But you're upset, so you go ahead and cry as much as you need to. I've got you, and I won't leave you." He hugged her a little tighter. "You're one of my best friends, and always will be. Anytime you need me, I'll be there, just like I'm here now; all you need to do is let me know. And that's a promise."

The whole... her having a heart thing was still... a lot. She wasn't sure what she believed about that, really. That she could even have emotions. But too many thoughts to know what to do with? Yeah. She had that at the moment. Why did anyone want a heart, want emotions though, if they hurt like this? If they made people cry and hurt and suffer? Wasn't it easier... without?

She found her hands closing around his coat, clutching. "O...one of..." she whispered, voce rough, throat tight. And she winced and withdrew into herself as soon as she said it. She knew she shouldn't have said that, had worked so hard to not say it.

Because without the bad, you couldn't have the good. Without the pain, you couldn't have the joy. And having experienced the alternative, if asked, Lea would definitely say it was worth it.

For now though, all that mattered was Xion. Holding and supporting her while she cried and helping her understand. He caught her whispered words and the way she winced and shrank further into herself after she'd said them. "One of...?", he repeated, confused at first, puzzling over what it might mean. One of his best friends maybe? That had to be it. But he'd said that before, and it was as true as it ever was; he thought he'd been clear about that. So why...?

Then it hit him. "Xion, are you worried that I'm going to replace you or Roxas with Isa now that he's back?", he asked, disbelieving somewhat. "Xion, I could never replace you, or Roxas, not with anyone. Yeah, Isa's one of my best friends too, but a person can have as many friends, even as many best friends as they want. Just because a new one- or in this case, an old one- is added, it doesn't mean that one of the others has to be taken away. That'd be crazy."

"You're all special to me, like I said. I care about all of you, and I want all of you to be a part of my life. If you don't want Isa to be a part of yours, that's fine; I completely understand and so will he. I can find other things to do with him. But I'll never not try and make time for ice cream with you, and Roxas when and if he turns up. I love having ice cream with you, watching the sunset and just sitting and talking about stupid stuff. It's one of my favorite parts of the day. And I'll share it with you for as long as you let me."

She nodded the smallest bit at his question. Still shaking all over.

She listened to what he said, clinging to his coat, burying her face in it as she spoke. She had thought that best was something exclusive, special, different. Now she wasn't sure what seperated a best friend from a friend. But... she had Roxas and Axel... why would he say that like she might want other friends? Why did he want other friends? Weren't they enough? Was there something more she should be doing?

But when he said that Isa wouldn't be part of sunsets and ice cream.... that... helped some. Eased some of the pain and tightness. She wasn't sure why, but it did. That was their time. For the three of them. Having Webby with them... just the thought of it itched at her. And Webby had never threatened her or tried to kill her or Roxas.

But there was that 'one of' again. Sunsets with them were pretty much the only thing she had ever looked forward to, back in the Organization. And here... that and the beach were the only things she really WANTED to do that she did. But he kept saying 'one of'. And he never said that before Saïx arrived here. Not that she could remember.

It had never been necessary to say it quite that way before, since he was usually addressing both Xion and Roxas when he mentioned it. That, and he hadn't really had any other friends in the Organization, so there hadn't been a need to specify.

Right now, he was just relieved that she seemed to be settling at least a little. There was clearly still a lot bothering her though. "I can tell you've still got a lot on your mind," he said gently. "A lot of questions you probably want to ask. But you're gonna have to at least give me a hint as to what they are. I'm a lot of things, but I'm not a mind reader. I wanna help you however I can, but I can't do that unless you let me know what you need."

He rubbed her back gently. "But until you're ready to talk, we can just sit here like this. Whenever you're ready, I'll be here."

The problem was that she still didn't know what to say or how to say it. She didn't trust Saïx, and was sure he was lying to Axel, but thought that saying as much would only hurt Axel if she didn't have proof. And even if she had proof... she couldn't hurt him like that. Axel worked so hard to protect her and Roxas.... she had to protect him now. Somehow. She just... didn't know how to do that.

If she just avoided Saïx maybe his frustration at not being able to get to her would show through, and Axel would realize the lie on his own. Would that hurt less...? She... wasn't sure. But she didn't think that was something she could ask him. Not at all.

She didn't know how to ask any of the questions that she had without hurting Axel, and that was the problem. And she had no one else to ask. Even if Roxas were here, she couldn't ask him...because he'd just turn around and ask Axel. And then they would be in the same hole as if she asked him herself. So... most of these questions... she had no one to ask.

Was this like when Riku told her to do the right thing, and she couldn't ask Axel or Roxas what the right thing to do was?

Was... the answer the same again this time? That she needed to be forgotten and vanish? She didn't think so. Or... was it that she didn't think so because she didn't want that to be the answer so she convinced herself it wasn't? She didn't want it to be the right answer when Riku asked her that, but clearly it had been. Because Sora woke up and Axel was okay and they were going to save Roxas. So was it the right answer now? Another question... that she couldn't ask Axel.

If Riku were here... she could ask him. He had a heart and understood all of this stuff, but he wouldn't be hurt by her questions and wouldn't repeat them to Axel. So Axel wouldn't have to be hurt by them at all.

But he was waiting for her to ask something. And she wasn't sure what she could ask him that wouldn't hurt him. She had to protect Axel, because when Saïx's lie was exposed it would hurt him a lot. She couldn't hurt him too. Not again. Not after how much she hurt him trying to do the right thing before.

But... that had never been their relationship. He had always protected her and Roxas. He had always been the one putting himself out there to keep them safe. Even from themselves. It was something Roxas didn't seem to understand. That sometimes Axel had to hurt them to protect them. But.... could she do that here? With Saïx? Could she be strong enough that if she found proof of his lies to bring it to him?

"How... how do I protect you?" she found herself whispering. it didn't even occour to her that he might be confused by her train of thought, or she wouldn't have said that... since she had already decided not to share any of the thinking that led up to that.

Of course, her face was still buried against his uniform and coat, so it was possible he didn't hear her atg all. Which was probably for the best.

Lea sat quietly, holding Xion and rubbing her back soothingly. He wondered what all could be going through her head? A few things he could guess, but most of it? He didn't have a clue. Not that that was any different than usual; Xion was one of his best friends, but he as discovering more and more how little he understood about her. And how little she understood about the world. Maybe he should try and see if he could do something about that; explaining everything on the fly just wasn't practical.

The moment of relative quiet also let him look at where they'd ended up. It looked like they were in back of one of the smaller buildings, next to what looked like some sort of storage shed; probably where the gardeners kept their equipment or something. Either way, with most of the school at lunch or heading there, there was no one around, for which Lea was grateful. This was difficult enough without having to worry about gaining an audience.

He almost missed it when she spoke again, her words quiet and muffled, but he managed to make them out, if only just. "Huh?", he said. "Protect me from what? Honestly, with no Heartless or creepy old guys bent on world domination around, you and I are both probably safer here than we've been in a long time, magical mishaps notwithstanding."

"Though if it comes down to it, I guess...", he trailed off slightly, thinking. "I guess, just be there for me. Like I'll be there for you and Roxas if you ever need me. Really that's all you've ever needed to do, in the end. I don't need big grand gestures or anything like that. Just... keep being my best friend, and the rest'll kinda come naturally."

Protect him from Saïx. And from herself. Not that she could say that without hurting him. Which, of course, was the whole problem, wasn't it?

But when he said be there for him...? Did that mean that if she stayed around him all the time, that would somehow protect him? That she should never leave his side to go off on her own for anything?

Except that sometimes he went off on his own too. But... was it that Saïx being here changed things? Was... this his way of saying that if she stayed with him all the time that somehow.. Saïx would just... leave him alone? Was that what he wanted. She looked up at him, so confused.

And she was looking up at him in confusion again, obviously not having understood what he meant. How to clarify it though? He thought hard about it for a moment before responding.

"OK how do I explain this...?", he said. "Look... I'm one of your best friends right? And if you ever found out that I needed help or even just someone to talk to, you'd be ready and willing to lend a hand, just like I'd do for you or Roxas, right?" He paused here, to show that he expected her to answer, even though he already knew what the responses would likely be.

"Of.... of course...." she said softly, confused. That part made sense. But had he meant he wanted her to act as some sort of odd Saïx repellant? IF that would actually work, she would be willing to of course... but she couldn't see any way that wouldn't end in Axel being hurt, possibly with her badly injured first....

"Then that's all I need you to do," Lea said, smiling slightly. "I don't need you to sacrifice anything or do anything big or elaborate, like say, following me around everywhere like Eleven's big friend does. I just need you to keep being my best friend. If I ever need your help, I know you'll be there. 'Cause that's what friends do. Understand?"

She hesitated then gave a small nod. Okay... that.. she could understand. She'd... just have to figure out the rest... on her own... somehow.

"Good," Lea said. "And I want you to know, you don't ever have to be afraid to ask me anything in the future, even if it seems weird or dumb. I might not always know the answers, but I'll do my best."

"And you can also ask Sora, if it's a friendship related question," he said. "Sora is... honestly kinda slow on the uptake about a lot of things. But when it comes to friendship, he's pretty much an expert."

"....Sora.....?" She asked, a little startled. She... would not have thought to ask Sora. And... actually... someone should probably warn him. Saïx had to know about Sora if he knew about her and Roxas... right?

"Yeah," Lea said. "You wouldn't think it to look at him, but well, when it comes to friendship he just gets things, instinctively. Stuff that look me months to figure out."

"Also? The kid's got no guile whatsoever. Seriously, he couldn't lie his way out of a wet paper bag. So you can be sure whatever answer you get? It's honest."

She nodded a little, considering that. "He's... Riku's friend. The one Roxas is locked inside of."

In other words... she should actually be able to ask him, right?

Lea nodded too. "You too technically," he said. "At least back home. Honestly not sure how that all works here, or how it will if Roxas ever turns up here too, but... well you get the idea. Point is, you can trust Sora. Especially when it comes to friendship stuff."

"He's here and so am I... so I couldn't still be inside him, right?"

It said so much that this was the less painful and easier topic.

"Well yeah," Lea said, "but unless I'm mistaken, Sora's also from a point where you're still merged with him. So I don't know if that means that there are technically two of you here, or not. Frankly, I try not to think to hard about it; this time travel stuff is already headache inducing as it is."

Another thing to ask Sora then to not upset Axel with. So she just nodded, looking down so that she wouldn't give in and ask him if he didn't want to talk about it.

Even if she did ask, it was unlikely that Lea would be able to provide much more information on that particular subject anyway, so it was just as well.

When she still seemed down about it though, he smiled gently and pushed her hood back so he could lightly ruffle her hair. "Hey...", he said. "It's gonna be alright. Maybe not right away, but eventually, we'll figure out how to work things out. Got it memorized?"

She looked up at him and nodded a bit. He was here. She... she would figure out how to protect him, somehow. Even from Saïx. This time it was her turn to figure things out and keep him safe.

Lea smiled a bit. "That's the spirit," he said. "Not much we can't solve, if only because we're too darn stubborn to quit until we do."

"For now though, what say we get some lunch?", he said. "And I'll buy the ice cream tonight. I owe you that much for the unpleasant surprise, at least."

Stubborn? Her? Could... she be stubborn? Did she even know how? Lunch sounded good, though. Except... "His showing up here today isn't your fault," she said softly. But she would let him treat.

You've got a piece of me (Closed)

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Love that icon

IKR? Also, looks like this thread might be wrapping up.

Yep. Just in time for a ton more with Roxas... >.>

Lol yup. X3 And one more from Xion should wrap it up nicely. :3

Ty for the thread.