diatu | I'm begging you please

I'm begging you please

Characters: Yotsuyu

alongnight & Hendrik

unswervingcompanion
When: After the Luminary has gone missing
Where: The Temple of Raida's grounds
Rating/Warnings: None, will change if necessary
Summary: An unexpected meeting since a knight lost his charge

Hendrik had found out from Isabel that the Luminary had disappeared. He tried to take the news well and that just didn't happen at all. So he raced out the door and went about going to many places that the boy would go and eventually found himself on the temple grounds. This was because the knight knew the boy had been involved with the place. But as he repeatedly asked around he couldn't help but wonder why was he stuck here. His oath and duty was to be at Eleven's side, not trapped in a place where he couldn't fulfill those things.

Finally he came to a small grove and he slammed his gloved fist against a tree in frustration. He felt like he failed in his duties and was frustrated at not being able to just leave this place. His blue eyes were shut, his jaw was clenched and he was fighting not to cry. Knights didn't cry, and so Hendrik didn't cry. The knight had already lost his family and his friends from Zwaardsrust when he was just a young boy. Jasper had been there at the time to help but then he was eventually consumed by the darkness years later. Now he'd lost the Luminary, the one he'd sworn to protect. How much more did he need to lose or sacrifice?

The boy had wanted to be friends and Hendrik had been shy about that because the one he'd cherished the most turned away from his oaths and so he'd been slow in trying to build that bond of friendship with Eleven. The pendant that had been made for him by Yotsuyu and Eleven was in his other palm, holding onto it as if it was his only anchor to reality.

Memories of their battles and even their times here raced through the knight's head. Maybe he'd been all wrong and had been too hard on the boy. What if the Luminary's memories of him were only of discpline and anger, hunting him down back home, and throwing him in jail? This was because he'd mistakenly believed that he was the Darkspawn as the possessed king had said at the time. And he hadn't even thought to question any of it.

Eeverything was turned on its head and it was all wrong.

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It had taken longer than she had liked.

Surely Yotsuyu had noticed Eleven had been conspicuously absent, but she did not often press herself upon him--the boy had duties and studies and training to consider, and while they were friends, she had her own studies to attend to as well. It had only been Atem pulling her aside to tell her--he had been appraised by the same source as Hendrik--that Eleven had disappeared from campus, and his whereabouts were unknown. And while she'd wanted to lash out, Yotsuyu knew that it was hardly Atem's fault, nor was it the girl Isabel's--and there were more pressing matters at hand, were there not?

Namely, Hendrik.

Finding him had taken her time--too much time. Yet finally, she had come all aflurry into the temple of Raida (the mirror whispering all the while--you could find him! just take me up!--but had it meant Eleven or Hendrik? Did it matter? The visions played through her mind regardless; she did her best to ignore it all. She would avail herself of mundane means!) and fair interrogated the priests until they directed her unto the grove.

Yotsuyu stepped within quietly, uncertain as to whether she wanted to precisely bother the knight, and wary of her reception. Though the crunch of her sandals against gravel and grass and the slither of silk as she moved would likely announce her presence as loudly as if she'd spoken aloud. So she did. His name, and a question ensconced within it. Though she knew the answer already. With Eleven's whereabouts unknown, he could not be all right.

"Hendrik?"

He'd heard her though at first he hadn't known who exactly it was. When he realized, Hendrik didn't want to face Yotsuyu because he didn't want to admit that he'd lost his..friend. A fresh wave of grief hit him as he heard the concerned tone and his breath hitched as quietly as he could manage.

"He's..gone and I..I have failed him." His voice had faltered and he quickly shut up because he could hear himself breaking while speaking. Not to mention he failed their entire world because the Luminary was their saviour. All Hendrik had to do was protect the boy, but just as when he'd pursued him wrongly, the Luminary had slipped from his grasp yet again.

The knight didn't turn around to see Yotsuyu's face. He didn't want to see the disappointment or whatever she was feeling. And he certainly didn't want her to see him as he was now, weak and helpless as he'd been as a boy who'd lost everyone dear to him. He was supposed to be always strong for her, a place for her to come running to in order to find strength and comfort, not the other way around.

His eyes finally opened to see the pendant in his right hand. His jaw tightened again and his hand closed over the gift. Hendrik couldn't turn to look at Yotsuyu, or those tears in his eyes would fall.

Yotsuyu wasn't certain that there were many others who would come to him at a time like this. Hendrik simply did not open himself and give of himself easily--though Yotsuyu could certainly understand, even if she had little idea of the particulars.

The name Jasper certainly came to mind, though she figured she had barely scratched the surface, there. This was not the time to do so, however. Still, she couldn't help a little huff of annoyance when Hendrik said he'd failed Eleven.

"Magic does not come easily to you, as hard as you have studied it. If even the instructors here could not foretell this happening, how could you? That is no fault of yours. It is an affliction of the world we have been brought to!" Surely the teachers did not care so little for their students--they had never acted so callously--save perhaps that old fart Loshakle, but he was like that with everyone. Had they known, they would have warned Hendrik. At the least they knew he was Eleven's protector...

She stepped closer, then, leaning to rest her hands on Hendrik's shoulders--an attempt at giving comfort. Yotsuyu knew quite well that she wasn't terribly good at that, and he was usually so stiff as well, but she would be damned again if she ignored him now. She didn't need to see his face to know that he was wounded--perhaps not visibly to another, but Yotsuyu knew him too well to think otherwise.

"You did not fail him, Hendrik. And he will come back to us. You must believe that. He will come back here and he will be safe." Yotsuyu...she felt bad saying it, but she did believe it herself. How odd to have hope. How odd to not bend against the wind, and still have hope. Even if it was something she reached for and clutched with both hands.

He had no answer for her right now. A thousand thoughts ran through his mind and most of them were of the Luminary. They were of their different training sessions, the beach, the Ball and during that when Yotsuyu intervened when Hendrik didn't understand whatever the boy was going through.

When she put her hands on his shoulders though, the knight's breath hitched again. This time though it was from a combination from her touching him and the hurt, anger and loss he was trying to hide from her. But all of those things were hitting him so very hard right now and his head lowered, trying to fight the pain alone.

Normally the knight could say something proud or gracious, but neither attitude was present at the moment. And he couldn't see the hope that Yotsuyu had though he was grateful to hear it even if he didn't believe in it at all.

"Should something happen to him, our world is doomed. And I am not..wherever he is to protect him as I swore I would be. So in that, I have failed him." The words came out choked, and the fist against the tree tightened.

Eleven's face and his expressions tore through the knight's heart at wanting to be friends. Unknown to the other the gesture had touched Hendrik deeply. But his own fear and hesitation had held him back and now there was so much regret. There were so many things that he wanted to say, but now he wouldn't get the chance to say them.

"Should he be on this world, he is not completely helpless, Hendrik! I do understand your fear, but you have been training him--do you not think Eleven can hold his own?" Yotsuyu made another small noise of annoyance, shoving at the knight roughly. She understood his feelings--of course she did--but this was not going to help anyone, least of all Hendrik himself!

She moved around to kneel before him--the difference in their height allowed her to do that, thankfully. Yotsuyu cupped his cheeks in her hands, looking up at him. "We must not think--must not dwell on what the worst might be! He is resourceful, and think, Hendrik! He is kind and good, and many people will be willing to help him simply because of that. And sometimes--sometimes, we do not get to wait for a savior to come for us. Sometimes, we must save ourselves." There had been no one to save her, after all. Yotsuyu had simply had to do the very best she could.

Yotsuyu put her arms around his neck, then, and tugged him into an embrace. "If I did not believe these things of him, Hendrik, I would not say them. I am the last person to give anyone false hope. I find it terribly ironic to be the one to tell you to believe, considering what little use I had for faith in my own life. But I do believe in Eleven. And I do have faith that he will come back to us. You shall see."

She just ran a hand down his hair gently, trying to offer what little comfort she could.

She was snapping at him, or so her tone sounded as such. But still, the knight made no comment to correct her because she was right. To add to that, he had no fight in him, especially right now. He didn't think Eleven couldn't handle himself, but his sworn oath and duty was to protect the Luminary, everyone and everything else be damned. King Carnelian himself had helped Hendrik come to that conclusion, to step aside from being the General of Heliodor and to go off to assist the boy to save their world.

Yotsuyu was surprisingly strong to push him as she did and he nearly dropped the pendant in his hand as he moved at her shoving him. But then she moved around him and as the knight looked almost helplessly into her eyes, he just listened. Again she was correct and he was mentally agreeing with what was being said, but he just couldn't speak.

When her arms blessedly came around him, Hendrik thought about what was said and he held onto the pendant as he did so. Yotsuyu was his only comfort and anchor here without the Luminary and even as he fought not to break down, the choked sobs and tears came anyway. The tears were both for his loss of the boy and for not being there for her when she needed someone in her own life to be her champion.

His grip tightened when she ran her hands down his hair. There was just so very much gratitude that he had but couldn't express right now. And the knight didn't have a clue as to what he'd do without her.

For all that she wanted to comfort Hendrik, Yotsuyu had no gentle platitudes for him. If she did not believe with all her heart (such as it was) that Eleven would return, she never would be trying to shake the knight back to some sort of stability. He deserved that much from her, if not more, and while she might be reluctant to admit it at times, her actions alone spoke volumes at the moment.

"You have been a rock for many for a long time, have you not?" she murmured, continuing to stroke his hair. "Ah, Hendrik. Even rocks crumble, given time, do you not know?" Now the chiding had turned gentle. As much as it had hurt to see another cringe, it hurt Yotsuyu to see Hendrik cry. But while she was often mocking or sharp--and had been the latter not even so long ago!--she was doing her best to soothe him, as best she could.

Yotsuyu sighed quietly. "You need not worry about this spreading further. I shall not breathe a word." Because she knew that he would be nothing if not devastated if this tale got out. She had no plans to even tell Eleven, but...

"You should let him know, you know," she murmured. "Eleven does care for you, but I think he worries that he shall wound your dignity somehow if he pushes too hard against your stoic demeanor." Yotsuyu would like to call it a facade, even, but she knows how much she draws her own dignity around herself as armor, and she had absolutely no desire to push Hendrik much harder than she already had. Forgive her? He might, and yet...

Yotsuyu also knew that the hardest lessons came when one had to learn them oneself.

Hendrik wasn't sure whether or not to pull away when Yotsuyu finished speaking. The selfish part of him wanted to hang on, but surely she had other things to do with her time than chase after him and offer comforting words and embraces. He deserved none of it since his charge had disappeared and the oath to stand beside him had not been followed through on.

But he swiped at his eyes to get the tears out of them and finally spoke after a long silence, not moving though he told himself over and over that he should. "He wanted..to be friends and I hesitated." The knight tried to steady his breathing as he fought to grab onto the hope and faith that Yotsuyu had. "Should he return as you say, than that will be the first thing I establish with him."

Gently moving away at least enough to be able to look into her eyes, he maintained his hold thought it lightened. "I cannot tell you how much you being here means to me, especially..as things stand." Hendrik couldn't force the words out to say 'in my time of need.'

The purple head lowered, his eyes closed and his words were heartfelt. "I cannot thank you enough."

If she had, Yotsuyu was making no moves to depart to those nebulous more-important things that dwelled within Hendrik's mind. She would make all smooth now, as well, if she needed to. She'd done it before; should she need to do so again, it would be so. She hadn't cultivated favor to leave it wasting away!

"Why did you hesitate? Is there some sort of..." Yotsuyu paused, and her brow furrowed in frustration. "Caste system? It is looked down upon somewhat, where I am from, for nobility to fraternize with those deemed beneath them." Which she thought was slightly foolish, but she'd barely been treated as nobility despite birth and marriage, so she truly thought very little of such a method of thinking.

But then, she nodded. "Yes, good. Do so. It will give Eleven heart as well, I think. You are a man of good qualities, you know." Even if Hendrik so obviously did not think so, now. She was not usually wont to deliver such compliments, either, but it was so clear that he needed to hear things to buoy him up, not drive him further down. He certainly was capable of doing it to himself!

"Dear fool, I do not wish to harm you through my uncertainty. Mayhap once I would have delighted in the shattering of men's hearts, but no longer. It is not the action of a friend to play with your emotions. Ever. And we are friends. Why should I not stay with you now, when that is a thing you need most terribly?"

Yotsuyu just made another of her little noises. "There is no one keeping score. You need not thank me. You have done such for me in the past." She tugged his chin up, then, so she could press a kiss to his forehead.

"No, it was due to my own experience with past..friends." Jasper's name hung unpleasantly in the air. "And if we are to go by caste, he outranks me by being born a Prince of Dundrasil even if the kingdom has fallen. And then by virtue of being the Luminary, he has no equal."

He had no idea what to do or how to make any of this up to the boy should he even show back up. A remote idea hit him then, but Eleven would definitely need to come back in order to make it work, so he held onto it in his mind for now.

Hendrik cocked his head to the side as he listened to Yotsuyu go on about not playing with his emotions and he'd heard the bit about that he had good qualities. The knight could only be grateful that she saw such good things in him. As for the part about the emotions was already well understood by him and he more than respected her enough not to say or do anything that might raise questions in her mind.

Taking her hands in his, he then froze into place when she kissed his forehead. That was quite..unexpected. So it took several long moments of staring before he lowered his head momentarily and focused on her hands.

"It is only proper to thank someone and not wish to take up all of their time when they surely have other things to do."

Then the knight looked into Yotsuyu's eyes again, just to reassure himself that she was actually here with him when he needed her the most.

"Of course." Yotsuyu muttered that. Of course Jasper would be the one to wound Hendrik. Gods help the man if he ever showed up here--like as not Yotsuyu would skewer his heart on the end of her katana and never blink twice about the act. She hadn't been much to act on her anger and vengeance issues here--there had been no great need--but that would change if he arrived.

Of course, that also assumed that Hendrik would not deal with Jasper first. And if that was Hendrik's desire? She'd simply use every wile she had to facilitate it.

"Hendrik..." She sighed again, then. "I am not concerned about my grades--I have no need to be. My class can be canceled for a day or two, if necessary--the students will rejoice." Here, she smirked a bit. "As for whatever else might occupy my time, it is far from being nearly so important as to prevent me from being certain that you are all right."

Truthfully, there was nothing she could think of that might drag her attention or her presence away from the grove, at this moment.

His eyes searched hers when she started going on about grades. But then Yotsuyu mentioned the part about occupying her time with other things which was what he'd been referring to so his head went down and his voice lowered when he spoke next. "I cannot tell you how much those words mean."

It would be proper to do something nice for her to show her how much this all meant to him. And he would do so soon, even if the Luminary didn't return. The knight was silent as he considered his next actions and words, still trying to be respectful of her and her time.

He lifted his hands with hers still in them and placed a kiss to them. And as he lowered her hands and gently let them out of his, blue eyes met Yotsuyu's. "Here in this place, you have been my light and I thank you."

Everything in him didn't want to let her go as always happened, but Hendrik had to let her go and did.

"That would be a first," Yotsuyu said, bemused. Her, a light? She wasn't certain that she'd ever understand it, but this definitely had been a dark time for the knight--so she would not argue such with him. Not now.

She stood slowly, but she did not release Hendrik's hands, though he tried to do so to her. Pragmatism was a strong point with her, and she regarded him with concern. "So. Have you eaten lately? I am certain you have not rested at all since you heard that Eleven was missing. I do not expect you to sit down to a king's feast, but you should eat something."

Certainly if she was so despondent, Hendrik would do his best to take care of her until she felt ready to face the world again. Yotsuyu could hardly do less for him.

She leaned down a little to rest his head against her shoulder, giving him another hug. "We need not leave until you feel ready to go, of course, but if nothing else, I am going to see you eat." Patting his cheek gently, she trailed fingers through his hair briefly. Yotsuyu was not certain how else to give support, but...this seemed right.

He realized she didn't see herself the way that he did and that was only natural. So he wasn't going to argue with her, and Hendrik had no fight left in him at all.

The knight was surprised that Yotsuyu was still holding onto him and he couldn't find any words to say. But at her kindness, he lowered his head, holding onto her hands a little more now.

"No, I have done nothing save search for the Luminary." His tone was guilty still as if he'd personally lost the boy himself though he hadn't. Somewhere deep down he knew that this wasn't his fault, yet a part of him still blamed himself for the disappearance.

With her then leaning against him, Hendrik smiled as her arms came around him. Hesitantly a hand came up to rest on the back of Yotsuyu's dark head at the words about making sure he ate. And to his surprise, his voice came out softer than he'd ever heard it.

"You are too kind to me."

"Then you should come and eat something. And try to rest! How can you protect him when he returns if you do not do these things?" No, Yotsuyu is doggedly hanging on to that hope--that Eleven will return. She isn't about to dwell in the negatives--a truly odd place when it comes down to it, but it's clear Hendrik needs someone to drag him out of despair.

Why should it not be her?

Though Yotsuyu did scoff when he said that she was too kind to him, and she patted him on the head. "You know better than that." Oh, perhaps she'd not deny that she could be gentle when the situation called--as this one did--but kind? She did try, but she simply wasn't certain that she succeeded all that often. Though Hendrik was one of her oldest friends here. So perhaps with him, she did, a bit.

A mischievous look crossed her face, briefly. "You do owe me lunch, do you not? Not that I have any intent of forcing you to endure the public at the moment, but we could at least raid the cafeteria." Then he wouldn't have to worry about actually paying, either. Though if something teased the knight's appetite on the way to the academy, Yotsuyu would be perfectly content with springing for it. She wasn't certain he had coin on him.

Hendrik couldn't argue against the logic he was hearing and decided that he would listen, which was never really much of an argument anyway. "You win." was all the knight could think to say here.

There was no argument either that might have occurred at the indignant head patting but there was no fight, only worry. He didn't know what he'd do if the boy didn't return. His charge was missing and now that Yotsuyu had mentioned food, he realized that he was hungry.

"I would be most grateful for the company." Hendrik was hungry and he was tired. He'd spent so much energy literally running that he just wanted to eat and rest. Nodding his assent at hoe he owed her lunch, the knight would agree to just about anything right now.

"Then let us be off." And away from this place that he would probably just continue to sit on the marble bench and cry at.

Yotsuyu did not want to win, she wanted to take care of Hendrik for once! Stubborn. But he was not actually fighting her, which was wise of him. She tugged on his arm, then steadied herself in case he really did need her to help him to his feet.

She tucked her arm into his as if they were simply out for an evening stroll--she wasn't about to let the knight get away. Yotsuyu figured he would not claim he was fine--and after what she had seen, she would not believe him anyway! And she simply wasn't above a bit of bullying (Hendrik, or anyone else) if it was for their own good, in the end. Still, she patted his arm with her other hand, trying to be reassuring.

"Well then, company you shall have. To the cafeteria, first, and we shall bear the trays to my quarters. You'll rest where I might watch you, and if you need a sleeping draught, you'll have one I brewed with my own hands." Not that she was certain he'd take one, but the Twelve knew she'd had difficulty sleeping of late. Not that she'd breathe a word of it to him for the moment. His problems were tantamount.

"I shan't sing you to sleep, though!" she said teasingly. "A murder of crows sounds sweeter than I. I may let you use my lap as a pillow, however, should it help you sleep."

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I'm begging you please

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