The problem was that she still didn't know what to say or how to say it. She didn't trust Saïx, and was sure he was lying to Axel, but thought that saying as much would only hurt Axel if she didn't have proof. And even if she had proof... she couldn't hurt him like that. Axel worked so hard to protect her and Roxas.... she had to protect him now. Somehow. She just... didn't know how to do that.
If she just avoided Saïx maybe his frustration at not being able to get to her would show through, and Axel would realize the lie on his own. Would that hurt less...? She... wasn't sure. But she didn't think that was something she could ask him. Not at all.
She didn't know how to ask any of the questions that she had without hurting Axel, and that was the problem. And she had no one else to ask. Even if Roxas were here, she couldn't ask him...because he'd just turn around and ask Axel. And then they would be in the same hole as if she asked him herself. So... most of these questions... she had no one to ask.
Was this like when Riku told her to do the right thing, and she couldn't ask Axel or Roxas what the right thing to do was?
Was... the answer the same again this time? That she needed to be forgotten and vanish? She didn't think so. Or... was it that she didn't think so because she didn't want that to be the answer so she convinced herself it wasn't? She didn't want it to be the right answer when Riku asked her that, but clearly it had been. Because Sora woke up and Axel was okay and they were going to save Roxas. So was it the right answer now? Another question... that she couldn't ask Axel.
If Riku were here... she could ask him. He had a heart and understood all of this stuff, but he wouldn't be hurt by her questions and wouldn't repeat them to Axel. So Axel wouldn't have to be hurt by them at all.
But he was waiting for her to ask something. And she wasn't sure what she could ask him that wouldn't hurt him. She had to protect Axel, because when Saïx's lie was exposed it would hurt him a lot. She couldn't hurt him too. Not again. Not after how much she hurt him trying to do the right thing before.
But... that had never been their relationship. He had always protected her and Roxas. He had always been the one putting himself out there to keep them safe. Even from themselves. It was something Roxas didn't seem to understand. That sometimes Axel had to hurt them to protect them. But.... could she do that here? With Saïx? Could she be strong enough that if she found proof of his lies to bring it to him?
"How... how do I protect you?" she found herself whispering. it didn't even occour to her that he might be confused by her train of thought, or she wouldn't have said that... since she had already decided not to share any of the thinking that led up to that.
Of course, her face was still buried against his uniform and coat, so it was possible he didn't hear her atg all. Which was probably for the best.
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If she just avoided Saïx maybe his frustration at not being able to get to her would show through, and Axel would realize the lie on his own. Would that hurt less...? She... wasn't sure. But she didn't think that was something she could ask him. Not at all.
She didn't know how to ask any of the questions that she had without hurting Axel, and that was the problem. And she had no one else to ask. Even if Roxas were here, she couldn't ask him...because he'd just turn around and ask Axel. And then they would be in the same hole as if she asked him herself. So... most of these questions... she had no one to ask.
Was this like when Riku told her to do the right thing, and she couldn't ask Axel or Roxas what the right thing to do was?
Was... the answer the same again this time? That she needed to be forgotten and vanish? She didn't think so. Or... was it that she didn't think so because she didn't want that to be the answer so she convinced herself it wasn't? She didn't want it to be the right answer when Riku asked her that, but clearly it had been. Because Sora woke up and Axel was okay and they were going to save Roxas. So was it the right answer now? Another question... that she couldn't ask Axel.
If Riku were here... she could ask him. He had a heart and understood all of this stuff, but he wouldn't be hurt by her questions and wouldn't repeat them to Axel. So Axel wouldn't have to be hurt by them at all.
But he was waiting for her to ask something. And she wasn't sure what she could ask him that wouldn't hurt him. She had to protect Axel, because when Saïx's lie was exposed it would hurt him a lot. She couldn't hurt him too. Not again. Not after how much she hurt him trying to do the right thing before.
But... that had never been their relationship. He had always protected her and Roxas. He had always been the one putting himself out there to keep them safe. Even from themselves. It was something Roxas didn't seem to understand. That sometimes Axel had to hurt them to protect them. But.... could she do that here? With Saïx? Could she be strong enough that if she found proof of his lies to bring it to him?
"How... how do I protect you?" she found herself whispering. it didn't even occour to her that he might be confused by her train of thought, or she wouldn't have said that... since she had already decided not to share any of the thinking that led up to that.
Of course, her face was still buried against his uniform and coat, so it was possible he didn't hear her atg all. Which was probably for the best.