But can you even SPELL Modification? - OTA

[gender_neutral]

V stood at the front of the room, Willard off on top of some shelves in the back, seeming to nap, looking like someone pasted long black feathers and fake wings on a canary. V's robes were neat, purple hair pulled back carefully, ready for the first day of class.

V waited until everyone was seated to begin.

"My name is Vaarsuvius, many of you know me already by that name, or simply V. While you are welcome to continue to address me as such outside of the classroom and outside of the context of the class, while we are in this class, or referring to this calls I would prefer to be addressed as either Master or Professor before my name. I will however accept arcmage if that is a title one so wishes to bestow upon me."

"To get the topic out of the way before we begin, I will not be answering questions about my gender, marital status, children, or any past experiences with the soul splice spell that you might have heard of. I also have no intention of discussing the worlds' ending threat that my party is facing without a primary spellcaster while I am trapped here in this railroad subplot that seems to be of the impression that creating a better spoon is, in fact, a proper use of the resources that my time, superior intellect, and vast stores of magical knowledge consist of. That being said, I am certain that said spoons are to go on sale at some point in the near future, and while I will advise you all not to read the printing on the underside of those spoons" Darwinism in action if they failed to comply, "and I will not explain how a spoon is used to those who lack the intelligence stat to figure it out for themselves, or failed their use magical items roll, I will explain if asked, some of the complex layering of spells I did, and as the name of the class should imply to anyone with a wisdom score above ten, the spell modifications."

"And no, I will not spell 'modifications' we did that joke years ago, and it is time to let it die, without a resurrection spell or speak with dead spell."

"This is going to be a very difficult class, and all of you will be held to a high standard. There will be a fair amount of theoretical work before we ever even begin to incant our first spell. This class will be grueling. There will be a fair amount of homework every night, and exams as required. If anyone here does not feel they have the stats to remain, this would be your chance to exit."

V waited patiently, then resumed. "For the few of you who remain, pull out some parchment and a writing implement, and we will begin with archaic rules and how to circumvent them. Are there any questions before we start?"