A burden you take from someone else. A debt, then? She had not considered it in this light before, but it fits into her worldview with surprising neatness.

Jude looks down onto her folded hands. It seems to her like he expects her to speak plainly. So she does.

"It feels like losing, to me. Like-- like I'm honoring someone at my own expense. Someone who maybe doesn't deserve it, or who hasn't shown me politeness in return."

That's a wordy way to say, People have been mean to me and I have a bit of a complex about it. Absently, she rubs the missing tip of her left ring finger.

"I guess I have to stop thinking of it like that." She frowns (harder than she already has been), and then looks back up.

"Can I ask what it is to you, Professor?"